randblair.com

Grandpa Has Red Hair

2011-06-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

This 13-minute video was originally intended as a Father's Day gift for Grandpa Blair. It is a candid interview with the C-Monster where we tackle burning questions around sharks, echos, and hair color.

Best Day Ever!

2011-04-05T19:33:00.000-07:00

Last summer our neighbor held a garage sale. While making plans to purchase everything there, Cayden came across a radio-controlled boat. He was sorely upset when we wouldn't buy a 3-year-old an 18" radio-controlled boat. Needless to say, the 18" radio-controlled boat gods have smiled on Cayden. Instead of sending the boat to D.I. our kind neighbors have signed the deed over to Cayden.

For the last several days we have withstood his constant imploring. Today we surprised him though and went to a park that has a small creek running through it. He was fascinated by the water. I asked him if he wanted to drive his boat in the water.

Cayden: "I no bring it Dad."
Dad: "I brought it. It's in the trunk of the car"
Cayden: "Yea!"

As we were piloting the vessel down the creek Cayden said -- more than once:
"This is the BEST day ever!"

Best. Day. Ever.

Four Birthdays.
Four Christmas Days.
Fifteen minutes driving his boat in the creek at the park: Best day ever.

It was the best day ever until the boat got temporarily stuck on some debris in the creek. Unfortunately, nothing looks temporary to a 4-year old and Cayden was sure we would never be able to retrieve the boat from the creek that spans all of four feet.

Cayden shrugged: "Now this is the baddest day ever..."

Fortunately, we prevailed and got the boat back to safety, to which Cayden responded: "Best day ever."

Cayden Cam Archives

2011-03-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

Came across some old Cayden videos. Makes me think we need to take more video of Cole. Here's an oldie but goodie.

One of the Reasons to Have a Phone that Records Video

2011-01-16T19:20:00.000-08:00

Nuff said...

Looking over Battle Creek

2010-10-10T20:40:00.000-07:00

It's time for another round of BlackBerry pictures. This time we have videos too. Lucky ducky you!

Cole is very smiley lately. This smile is infectious.

Adobe recently announced the new location for our Utah offices. It will be on the other side of I-15 from Thanksgiving Point (in front of Cabellas), but won't open for about two years. Either way we arexcited about a permanent location in Utah even closer to Davis county. One of the fruits of the company field trip to the new location was this real hard hat that Cayden has since claimed as his own.

First of all -- Cayden is fine. No injuries. Second of all -- I had no idea this was going to happen when I started filming. I am a good parent.

Priorities. Check.

Cayden and I took a hike up Dry Canyon a while back. Cayden got tired as soon as we left the parking lot and insisted on riding on my shoulders...and holding on by grabbing my hair.

On a bike ride / hike up Battle Creek Canyon one morning before work (one of the benefits of working for a software company) I came across this HUGE waterfall. The trail passes right by the top of the waterfall. If you are not careful coming down you will be on your way off the world's most dangerous high dive.

Yesterday we took a trip to the Vineyard pumpkin patch / corn maze / petting zoo / playland. This was my first trip to a corn maze so I thought I would take it slow. You know, kid's non-haunted corn maze in the middle of the day with a 2-year old, stroller, and 3-month old.

On our trip to the pumpkin patch / corn maze / petting zoo / playland, they had this crazy fast slide. I like Cayden's confused look of "Is this what's supposed to happen?"

Yesterday I treated myself to a great bike ride / hike up to this lookout point over Battle Creek canyon.

An Emergency Room Worth Waiting For

2010-08-26T18:26:00.001-07:00

And now something that has vexed me for a while now:

If you have traveled north or south on I-15 lately, you have undoubtedly seen these billboards. Through the magic of modern technology, these billboards are able to tell you precisely how long the wait is at the specified Emergency Room.

Although impressive, I wonder how this is valuable to anyone. I have never been on the freeway and thought to myself "I'm bored. Where should I go at this very minute? Hey, the emergency room wait is only 12 minutes! Let's stop by."

I think of situations that require an emergency room as ...well, emergencies. When you have half a tank of gas you may look around for the best price per gallon and then make your decision accordingly. When you are on zero miles to empty, you have a gas emergency. In this you situation, you head for the nearest gas station, regardless of the price, and pray that it is downhill. Accordingly, if I fall out of a tree and break my arm I'm not inclined to "shop around" for the ER with the shortest wait time.

"What? Your water broke? Sure the ER here in Orem is right here, but look at the wait! There is an ER up in north Ogden where the current wait time is only five minutes."

Pictures From My Phone

2010-08-22T16:31:00.000-07:00

It has been a while. I thought finishing school would open up the blogging channel again, but it hasn't really helped -- mainly because I have not really found anything I want to write about. And when I do, I am not close to a computer.

A lot has happened in the last several months. But I don't have the time or desire to tell you all about it. However, my phone has been with me the entire time and snapped a few fuzzy pics. Maybe it will serve as a proxy for me telling you about my life.

So here we go:

Back in July we went to the 4th of July parade in good old K-town (Kaysville). This is Cayden waiting for the ~~floats~~ candy.

This is a skunk. Hard to see -- I know. I took this picture of our dark patio, through a glass window...with a camera phone. While we were up at Bear Lake with Suzanne's family we left our trash bag out on the patio one night. It was found by two skunks. The funny thing was we were able to watch the entire thing unravel right through our sliding glass door, but we were powerless to do anything about it. We tried banging on the door gently as we wanted to scare them away, but not really "scare" them. It was not worth the risk of opening the door to shew them away. These were skunks, not cats. We even tried laser pointers. No luck. We went to bed and cleaned up the mess in the morning.

Mike Smith and I up behind Timp on one of our several Alpine Loop rides. This is a real climb and we are real men.
I got the "blue screen" of death on my work computer a while back. You techy readers and ISYS majors can let me know what's wrong. Maybe my kernel's infected or corrupted...I was just checkin' the specs on the end line....I'm retarded. At work I have two 20" screens right next to each other, so the BSOD is even more intimidating.

See.

A month or so ago I took a business trip to the DC area to visit a couple of clients, one of which was Gannett, the parent company for USA today. If you have ever stayed in a Hampton Inn, then have unknowingly paid $0.75 for a USA today. Don't believe me? Check your last hotel receipt. Anyway, this is their headquarters. And they say there is no money in publishing.

Oh, we had a baby in July! Cole Douglas Blair is now over a month old. Yeah, I know...I'm not very good at communicating stuff like this. I need a social agent. Anyways, Cole is cute as a button and likes to cry at night. Older brother Cayden is adapting well but was slow to warm up to younger brother's name.

"Mom, Cole is the name of a store!"

A couple of weeks ago we enjoyed Lindon days. We moved to Lindon too, by the way. Part of Lindon days includes a free car show, which is right up my alley. Because they are cars. And it's free. Check, check. For those of you who argue that the Ford Crown Victoria has not ever changed body styles, I submit that you are wrong. This is a late 50's model. The paint job may not be stock.

An evening trip to Wal-Mart yielded this strangely peaceful picture in the parking lot. It looked like something serious was happening that involved pillars of light and everyday low prices.

And finally: the helicopter. In Provo, we shared a backyard and a series of abused toys with Cayden's best friend Parker. In Lindon, it is just the C-Monster, so we felt like we needed something for him to do in our seriously large backyard. On KSL.com we found one of these Lifetime helicopters that someone obviously felt too intimidated to attempt to build.

I brought it home in a box and put it together one night while Cayden was asleep. I started shortly after Cayden went to bed. FOUR HOURS later, the helicopter was finished. Now Cayden tells all his friends about the helicopter his dad built. So it was worth it.

In this pic, Cayden is cleaning off the propeller. I am pretty sure somewhere in the 100-page manual that came with this helicopter there is a picture of a child doing exactly this, with a big red X through it. It is kind of amusing -- the top of the helicopter reads "Stay clear while propeller is in motion." Good to know in case this thing actually takes off.

So that's it. Pretty much everything that happened in the last three months is included in these 10 photos. Now you are caught up. See you in 3 months.

Hmmm.....

2010-06-06T18:01:00.000-07:00

Let's be honest: if you buy Kmart's "My First Airzone" trampoline, you're basically buying a cage to contain your child.

The Thrill of the Hunt

2010-04-08T18:07:00.000-07:00

It is really quite amazing that Easter has come and gone. We spent the weekend at home with families and survived three Easter egg hunts without incident.

Easter Egg Hunt #1: The Kaysville City Hunt

Some things you can be late to without a problem. An Easter egg hunt is not one of those. Saturday morning Kaysville city held its annual Easter egg hunt at 10am sharp. As is usually the case, we were running a little behind that morning and with the unexpected task of cleaning snow off the car, we left a little late. At 9:57am we rolled into the park. The challenge then became finding out where we were supposed to be. In an effort to prevent 12-year-old boys from stealing eggs from 2-year-old toddlers, Kaysville city splits the hunt across four baseball fields.

The problem for us was identifying which of the four fields was for 0-3 year-old children and getting the C-monster there in less than three minutes. After running ahead to spec out the fields I found that Cayden's field was on the far side of the park. I ran back to Suz and Cayden. Suz is a little preggers right now so they were not moving extremely fast. I picked Cayden up and started running. As we were running Cayden asked "Why are you carrying me." Without exaggeration, I arrived to the front line where hundreds of small children were anxiously awaiting the signal and put Cayden down. No less than five seconds later, the voice on the PA system said "GO!"

Chaos broke out and I did my best to keep the C-monster in view as he moved from egg to egg. Within two minutes every egg on the field had been claimed and the field was empty. Had we arrived at 9:59am, we would have been out of luck.

Easter Egg Hunt #2: The Blair Family Hunt

With all six of her grandchildren now living in Utah, my mom was more than excited for this hunt. She cleverly devised a system where each grandchild was assigned a color of eggs to search for. All the child needed to do was find eggs that matched the color of his or her basket. While some eggs contained candy and money, others contained slips of paper indicating a prize they could then claim from grandma. The eggs were then hidden by the adults according the the color/grandchild difficulty matrix. Three of the oldest grandchild's eggs were never found, suggesting the difficulty matrix may need to be tweaked...or eggs should only be hidden by a responsible adult.

In theory this was a brilliant plan. In execution, it took quite a bit of training to teach Cayden to pick up yellow eggs -- only yellow eggs.

Easter Egg Hunt #3: The Todd Family Hunt

With 18 grandchildren on the Todd side (at time of publishing), grandchild-specific coloring schemes are not an option without a professional-grade paint mixer. The hunt began in a frenzy. As I followed Cayden around I noticed he was picking up a lot of eggs and putting them back down, but very few were making into his basket. This catch-and-release approach had me concerned and then I noticed that all the eggs in his basket were orange -- just like his basket. Just as I was putting this together Cayden placed another egg back on the ground stating: "Not orange."

"No Cayden, it's all fair game." I said. "You can pick up any egg." After a slow start, we picked the pace up and grabbed as many eggs as we could.

Because the grandchildren had already been to several egg hunts and likely accumulated too much candy to safely consume, Suzanne's Mom decided to fill some eggs with nickels instead. Another great plan in theory. From a strictly fiscal perspective, however, for a child nickels are not as liquid of an asset as candy. Once back inside, some of the children pushed the nickels aside and filtered out the candy. While most of the children did this, one entrepreneurial grandchild recognized an opportunity and helped several children liquidate their fiscal inventory by exchanging his surplus of candy for their otherwise useless nickels.

All in all, it was a successful weekend for Cayden and a tiring weekend for mom and dad.

"Xx"-tra Long Bedtime Stories

2010-02-19T19:55:00.001-08:00

Let me begin by saying that it is always a privilege to read a bedtime story to the C-monster. Sometimes privileges can be tiresome though. At the end of the day all you need is a long bedtime story with tiny font. Did you know there are three naughty trains that say no before "The Little Engine That Could" finally says yes? Besides being a lot of rejection for a little kid to handle, that is a long story.

That is why it is always a little disheartening to open a book to find a gigantic "Aa" on the first page. I know the alphabet well and know there are 25 letters that follow "Aa." Ultimately, that makes for a long bedtime story. Sometimes that forces mommy and daddy to cheat a little. There is a little part of me that worries Cayden will get to the first grade and discover that there are letters between "Dd" and "Pp."

Perhaps the saving grace of such a book is waiting to see what the author choose to do with "Xx." I have seen an "Ii"ce cream truck and I have seen a "Ff"ire truck, but I have never seen an "Xx"-ray truck. Really? An X-ray truck--is that the best they can think of. And eXcited starts with and "Ee" not an "Xx."

Check out my GUSSELS!

2010-02-15T16:27:00.000-08:00

Well, it doesn't get much cuter than this. The C-Monster is now about 3 weeks into his P90x training, and the results speak for themselves. Just check out these before and after pictures!

The C-monster does not always get his syllables right. As a result, he is showing off his gussels here (muscles.)

"Oh what fun it is to be THREE"

2010-01-10T16:59:00.000-08:00

Short but sweet, this home video is a perfect representation of the C-Monster. Watch for a flash of orange!

P.S. Don't blink.

The 12 Days of A Blair Christmas

2010-01-08T18:04:00.000-08:00

Christmas has come, and Christmas has gone. Two weeks of no school, no obligations, and no schedule are done. So now it is back to school for the final semester -- ever. I'm serious the time, no more school after this.

However, in honor of the two weeks of bliss, I have documented 12 days of a very Blairy Christmas:

12 Additional inches of snow that Alta received (17)...compared to Park City (5)...on the day I chose to go to Park city
11 Puking relatives
10 Days of no school
9 AA batteries burned in flashlights
8 Extended family dinners
7 Nights at home
6 Nights at the in-laws
5 Pounds gained then lost
4 Snowshoe treks
3 Christmas Parties
2 Snowmobile days
1 BABY DUE IN JULY :-)

Kids Pray the Darndest Things

2009-10-24T16:52:00.000-07:00

Cayden is getting to the point where he is starting to understand how prayers work. We have been working on it so that when the Bishop comes over and asks to pray we are not totally embarrassed.

The cute thing is he is now realizing that you can pray to ask for things. A couple of weeks ago he had a bad case of diaper rash that made his "bum" hurt. At dinner we were about to say a blessing on the food and Cayden asked Suzanne to bless his bum so it would not hurt. She did. I fought back laughter.

Last week we were saying prayers with him before we went to bed. He has the "Heavenly Father" part at the beginning down pat. It is touch and go after that. Anyway, Suzanne was trying to get him to repeat what she was saying in the prayer.

As a little bit of background, we had just carved pumpkins or "pum-pins" and Cayden was distraught that we did not have any candles to put in them. As a result, the prayer went something like this:

Suz: Please bless Grandma and Grandpa.

Cayden: Bless candles

Suz: ...Please bless Grandma and Grandpa.

Cayden: Candles!

Suz: Ok...please bless us that we can get some candles at the store tomorrow.

Cayden: and treats!

Blogservation #2

2009-10-24T16:14:00.000-07:00

Cayden is watching TV and I am on the laptop. He is watching a PBS show, Caillou. Have you seen it? Caillou is perhaps one of the most annoying little cartoon boys you could imagine. The voice...so painful.

Anyway, what I cannot figure out is why is Caillou bald? He is obviously old enough to have hair. His younger sister, Rosie, has a moptop, so why is Caillou bald?

My theory: the show's storyboard artists are lazy. Why add labor-intensive details like hair to the main character? He is in every scene. At least Caillou has a line for a nose. While googling Caillou to see if I was spelling his name correctly I came across the show's home page where they had the frequently asked questions page. Guess what number one was...

WHY IS CAILLOU BALD?

Their response was less than satifactory:

Generally, for children, Caillou is a larger than life image of a preschooler. The fact that he is bald does not seem to bother preschoolers in the least. Not only do they never mention it, but when asked to think about why Caillou has no hair, our focus groups just laughed and replied: "He just doesn’t have any hair!"

Thank you PBS for dodging that one. If I went to the doctor and asked why I was bald and all the doctor could tell me was: "Well, it doesn't seem to bother other people" I would ask for my co-pay back.

During my Caillou "research" I came across some pretty amusing comments from viewers who compared his voice to nails on the chalkboard and Chinese water torture.

Ultimately, I am not too upset by the hair thing. I think I am probably more upset that I just spent the last hour researching a show about a four-year-old cartoon boy. There is an hour of my life I will never get back.

Band-Aids

2009-10-18T20:46:00.000-07:00

Today I replaced the 25-year-old light in our bathroom with a shiny new one. If you have ever been to your great-grandmother's house, you have seen the light I am talking about. It features two glass domes hanging from gold chains attached to the ceiling by hooks. Classy.

As always, Cayden helps dad with anything involving tools. After I got my toolbox out of the garage, Cayden went and got his "tools." He actually has a toy tool set. While I put the light on he got all of his tools out and went to work.

Shortly after I finished I asked him to pick up his tools. He was not interested. A few minutes later I was walking across the floor and accidentally stepped on one of his "tools." I said "Ouch! Cayden, can you pick up your tools? I just stepped on one and it really hurt!"

He made no attempt to pick up the tools. Instead, he brought me a band aid. The squeaky wheel gets a band aid.

A Bachelor's Week in Review

2009-07-25T12:35:00.001-07:00

In case you have not heard. Suzanne took Cayden and left me...

...To go to Utah for vacation. I have to work, so I could not go home yet. As a result I have been living the life of the bachelor for a week now.

Being a bachelor is fun...the first day. I dropped Suz and Cayden off Saturday and went right to work vacuuming. I borrowed a friend's vacuum with enough suction I was legitimately concerned it would pull the carpet up. I vacuumed the apartment and detailed the car, bringing both back up to "Rand's OCD spec." Then I hopped on my bike and rode 30 miles, never once worrying if I would get back late.

Sunday I had church and a Priesthood meeting to occupy most of my time. My hope to ride my bike as much as possible was crushed on Monday when it was forecasted to rain. Figures. So, I got up early and ran. I only run when there is not time to ride or it looks like weather will be a problem. It did not rain by the way. I stayed at work until just after 8:00 pm working on some projects to get caught up. I got home and after about 30 minutes figured out how to turn the oven on so I could cook a meal my loving wife and lovingly made for me before she left. By about 9:30 pm that loving meal was ready and even gave me some leftovers for Tuesday.

By Wednesday, the bachelor lifestyle was wearing on me. I got home a little later than usual and met up with a friend to go for a bike ride. Half way into our 20-mile ride I learned that this ride would be approximately two times longer than any ride he had done before. I got home even later. Thursday I did the same ride by myself (quicker) and got home in time to try and remember how to do laundry. I could not use the laundry room on our floor because someone neglectfully left their clothing in both washers LONG after they was finished washing. I finished the wash (on another floor) just in time to go to bed. I realized that I had not opened the curtains since I closed them Sunday night. Kind of depressing.

Friday finally came and after a long day of waiting for the weekend I came home to enjoy a night of peace and quiet. After talking with my mission president on Facebook (who would have thought, right?) I cooked a Totino's pizza and watched a Denzel movie. Totino's pizza and Denzel had me feeling good again about the bachelor lifestyle, but I finished the movie and it was not time to go to bed so I actually started reading a book! I need help.

Saturday morning I hopped back on the bike and did not come back until I had racked up 40 miles. Clouds started to roll in and I made the decision then and there that if it started to rain, I was going to get wet, but I was not going home. Fortunately, the rain held off until I returned home.

It is now 5:46 pm and I have ridden all I want, napped all I want. I changed the oil in the car, went to the store to buy Oreos, filled up on gas, threw away all the old food in the fridge, and tried to clean the grime off the wheels of the car.

I have been to the grocery store exactly twice now. During the two trips combined, here is exactly what I bought:

Peanut Butter
Butter
Syrup
Marshmallow Maties
Deodorant
Oreos (yes -- the first time I was too cheap to pay $3.00, but the second time I was desperate.)
Milk
Little Caesar's pizza on the way home
Almost bought toilet paper, but did not. I could not find it and did not want to look any harder than I was already looking. I think I will have enough to get me through. If not, I will spool some onto a stick from the bathroom at work.

The floors are still vacuumed and the car is still detailed but I am ready for Suz and the C-monster to come back. During this time of solitude I have learned a lot about life and myself:

Number one. Do not wash the car and clean the windows at night. You will be disappointed with your work in the morning.
Number two. You can turn the temperature to whatever degree setting you want, but the oven is not on unless the dial is turned to "bake".
Number three. Marshmallow Maties are tricky to purchase. Do not select a bag by the one that has a lot of marshmallows in the clear cellophane window of the bag. You will only be disappointed when you find nothing but oats in the middle.
Number four. Be grateful for your family. Tender.

When You're Here, You're Family

2009-07-11T11:32:00.001-07:00

Time for a relaxing trip to Olive Garden. Why? Well, it has been a long time -- and we have a gift card. Which makes it about the same price as our usual fare (Wendy's, KFC, McDonald's, etc.)

We could not find a babysitter. Either because all of the young women in our ward have seen the C-monster in action, or they are legitimately busy. Could be either. So the three of us went to Olive Garden last night. We thought we would let Cayden try sitting in a normal chair. He did alright. Until he discovered the chair had wheels on it. Then he started scooting around the dining room. I tried to distract him by drawing a car, a truck, a bike, and a snowmobile in that order on his kid's menu with the free crayons.

Fortunately, his $5.25 pizza arrived just in time for him to decide he was no longer hungry. I remember visiting my brother's family years ago and watching his kids NOT eat pricey meals at restaurants and thinking "I will never make that mistake."

Instead of eating his pizza, he was content to eat one bite of each of the bread sticks. He then found that he could stick them on his fingers and it made it look like he had big swollen fingers. Frustrating, yet funny -- I know. The sliding chair made me nervous and I finally found a high chair we could strap him in. Which...he did not like.

Do not misunderstand. It was still fun to go out and eat with our little family, but your realize you are no longer young when you sit at Olive Garden and wish you were at McDonald's.

On the way out I took him in the bathroom to wash the bread stick garlic off his hands. I had to use the bathroom and thought we would see how long he could stand still in one place. (Number One only, I'm not crazy.) So I had him stand inside the stall with me against the door and told him to stay still. As soon as he heard me "tinkling" he started poking his head around to see what was going on. Then the Italian music (that for some reason is always broadcast at concert level in Olive Garden's bathrooms) started to get to Cayden and he started jumping around.

This time was not as bad as in the Chili's bathroom the other day. I told him to be still and he did a good job until some bouncy music came on and I saw just one leg start to bounce. It spread precipitously to the rest of his body and in less than 10 seconds he went from standing motionless on point, to running around the bathroom with his arms out jumping, all the while proclaiming "I'm an airplane, I'm an airplane."

All in all, life has changed with the C-monster, but I would not change it for the world! Oh, tender...

2009-06-27T06:57:00.000-07:00

Friday night we celebrated the birth of a new weekend by going to McDonald's. Cayden loves McDonald's, and actually -- we kind of like it too. Not really because of the food, but because of the Playland. It keeps Cayden more or less entertained while we enjoy our fine dining. We had a two-for-one Big Mac coupon. Sweet!

Cayden enjoys it that much more when there are other kids there he can play with. He likes to join in their games as if they are old friends. In fact, he seems to adopt himself into other families quite easily.

Yesterday was no different. There were two families there with 11 kids between them. As the only white child, Cayden was still pretty easy to track. Eventually the two families left and Cayden had to look for other kids to follow. Pretty soon a seven-year-old girl came over to Suz and I and said: "Hey, is that your kid?"

Cayden walked around the corner. "Yes" we said.

"He keeps following me and sitting down in the chair next to me. And when my mom gets here with our food, SHE is going to sit there."

"Okay" I said, "We'll make sure he moves."

The story would have ended there, but only 10 seconds later this same anti-social girl came over to talk to me about Michael Jackson. You can't make this stuff up. This girl had learned from her mother that MJ took a lot of drugs and that is why he died.

All I could think to say without laughing in surprise to this girl's sudden gabby nature was: "Oh, really?"

"Yep, and he even has little kids and now there is no one to take care of them."

True again. I did my best to maintain a smile without a laugh and she followed Cayden into the play structure and asked if he wanted to play. Go figure.

She had nothing to say about Farrah.

Ta-da! New Design, Same Whitty Remarks -- and a Story to Boot!

2009-06-02T18:12:00.001-07:00

I would like to take a moment and introduce my blog's super new layout that is both visually stimulating and aesthetically pleasing. The entire concept was created from scratch by my wonderful wife. More examples of her visually stimulating and aesthetically pleasing work are located at Purple Tulip Designs.

In many cases re-designing your blog is like getting a haircut. Nobody notices the haircut, but they all have great things to say after you tell them you got one. This re-design is different. This sensational new blog layout is like the haircut I got my freshman year at BYU.

Yes, I will tell you the story:

I think my parents parted my hair on the left side of my head from the day I had hair long enough to be parted. That part took up permanent residence for nearly 18 years. Just the part alone would not have been so bad. It was the spike that made the ensemble work. So that part was holding down the left side of my head while the rest of my hair was carefully combed eastward, completing the look. As I hit middle school, I completely reinvented myself by replacing the left-hand spike, with a 'feathering' technique on the hair to the right. I grew so accustomed to combining my hair in this delicate, yet deliberate fashion that I could not try anything different.

It would take a near disaster to shift my hair paradigm. That disaster occurred one day during my freshman year at BYU at the Bon Losee Academy of Hair. Bon Losee was a beauty school located in Provo. Freshmen got cheap hair cuts and beauty school students got real practice with human hair. It was a win-win...if you did not care how your hair looked. Being a bargain-savvy shopper, I thought I would give Bon Losee a chance. Had I known that the fate of the left-hand part hung in the balance I never would have gone. As I sat in the chair I kept telling myself: "This will work out."

Trish, the young girl cutting my hair that day appeared very nervous as she grabbed my hair with one hand and positioned the scissors with the other. I instinctively knew this was new to Trish too. I could tell that she still did not know how to grab the hair.

Regardless, Trish gave it her best effort. I saw clump after clump of hair fall silently to the ground. When she was finished she had to have her manager come and 'sign off' on my hair cut making sure that it lived up to Bon Losee's standards and that Trish had not severed an artery or one of my ears.

As part of the $7.00 hair cut you get a free wash and scalp massage. As I laid there and watched Trish learn to wash hair, I told myself again: "It will work out."

I got home and took a shower. You never know how a haircut really went until you take a shower. Something happens on the drive home that I have never been able to figure out. Either the hair gets shorter or my head gets bigger. Either way there is less hair up there than when I leave the barbershop. On this occasion I got out of the shower and looked at my hair. Something was awry. There was not enough hair left to support the part. I tried in vain to comb some follicles west and other follicles east, but they sprung back in place. Dire circumstances had necessitated a drastic change.

The 'Caesar' cut was born. You know what I am talking about: push the hair forward rather than to the side. Spike it up in front and you are done. It was new, European, and hip. Nearly ten years have passed and there have been variations, but for the most part, I am still rocking the Caesar cut. You go with what works.

This blog, like that first Caesar cut, will not go unnoticed. With the help of my loving wife, I am starting a new chapter in my blogging history.

Blogservations...

2009-05-17T17:48:00.000-07:00

Blog + Observations = Blogservations. Remember this because I am not explaining it again.

"The Apartment Complex Playa"

We are now living in an apartment complex in Fridley, MN during our summer internship. In every apartment complex there is always the one guy with a tricked out Chrysler 300C. If you have lived in an apartment complex, you know this guy. The guy with the car covered in chrome and black windows, riding on 22" dubs (rims). And you know they are 22" rims because it says it in three different places on the car. The majority of Playa's stereo is in the trunk, but somehow manages to cause enough vibrations that you can hear his door handles rattle as he passes you. Livin' the dream!

"Cartoons: Pre-school for Poor Folks"

I remember the days of Saturday morning cartoons that did nothing more than entertain. Classic example: He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. He-Man did not have any ulterior motives such as teaching me to share with Baby Bop or how BJ can deal with a new baby in the hose. Nope--He-Man was all about using his powers to defend Eternia from the evil forces of Skeletor. These days, He-Man lies dormant as Barney teaches us to share, Sid the Science Kid freaks me out with his slightly slow-motion un-natural dancing, and Dora tricks us into learning Español. Por esta razón...dang it, she did it again!

For this reason, I miss the good old days of mindless Saturday morning cartoons. If I want my son to learn, I will send him to school. But right now he is only two years old. PBS needs to stop trying to help him get his GED.

So un-natural it must be evil.

C-Monster: What are you doing!?

2009-05-08T06:56:00.000-07:00

For those who are wondering, Cayden is now well into the two-year-old stage, and although we love him dearly, he continues to work hard to live up to the "C-Monster" name.

We spent the last couple of days at Suzanne's parents' house during this time off between school and my internship. The other day, Suz and I were engaged in a long conversation. It was one of those rare moments of silence for Cayden, which was great. But with an "active" child like Cayden, sometimes too much silence can be a problem. It is kind of like putting a bell on a dog. The bell helps you keep track of where the dog is. When you do not hear the bell anymore, there is a problem.

This moment of blissful silence was broken by a sputtering sound. It sounded like when you squeeze a bottle of lotion that is empty and all you get is mainly air with a little splattered lotion. Turns out, that was what it was. Suzanne looked over and said "What the Flip?!"

Two thoughts entered my head:

"There was a bottle of aloe vera lotion near the couch -- but it was full -- so it couldn't be that."
"Did Suz just say 'Flip'?"

I was right on the second one but wrong on the first. There was a full bottle of aloe vera lotion near the couch. Now there is an empty one. But where could all the lotion have gone? On to the leather couch, of course.

My thought is Cayden wanted a little bit of lotion to put on his sun burnt arms just like Dad had done the day before. Having applied too much pressure to the squeeze tube, he ended up with more than a little bit of lotion. The theory continues that after wiping as much lotion as possible on his arms, he choose to wipe the remaining lotion on his shirt and shorts. When he ran out of dry space on his shirt and shorts, he started spreading it on couch.

The leather couch was slick and made spreading lotion much more fun than spreading it on skin or clothing, so the C-Monster opted for more lotion. Eventually, the tube of lotion ran out, thus producing the sputtering sound that caught our attention. When we arrived at the couch, the right side had a generous coat of aloe vera lotion that Cayden had worked very hard to spread evenly across the leather surface.

Cayden looked up at Mom and Dad, who both had unfriendly expressions. Cayden but his very moisturized hands in the air with his palms up and said "Mess?"

Yes, Cayden, that is a mess.

Thurston Thrasher and Othe Extreme (Yet Safe) Activities

2009-04-29T16:32:00.000-07:00

Wow, two posts in a day! Okay, it was really one big post that I split into two small, more manageable posts so as not to overwhelm you, the reader.

Friday night my dad and I, and a few of his friends unloaded at the mouth of Adam's canyon at 5:00 pm. Four hours, 4900 vertical feet, and 1900 calories later, we arrived at Thurston peak, the highest point in Davis and Morgan counties.

It was about the perfect temperature when we started, a refreshing 55-degree overcast day. It started to snow just as we got high enough to put our snowshoes on. By the time we got our snowshoes on, Bart, who chose not to bring snowshoes, was half way up the bowl. I hurried to catch him and we both rested under a tree as we waited for the rest of the group to get there. At that point, the snow and wind really started to pick up.

When we arrived at the peak around 9:00 pm the snow and wind were blowing harder than I can every remember and it must have been in the low 20's. We quickly took pictures with Dad's waterproof camera and started back down. Going down was easier than going up until we took our snowshoes off and had to walk through the mud created by the rain at lower elevations. On

the way down we all talked about going out and getting steaks to celebrate our victory. When we arrived at the truck at 12:15 am everyone just wanted to be home. So...my dad still owes me a steak.

By Monday the storm was gone and the air was clear. A bluebird spring day was perfect to cap off the snowmobiling season. The snow is melting incredibly fast and the streams were all full. The melting snow made conditions less than ideal down around the cabin so we headed up toward Francis peak. The firm base with four or five inches of spring snow made it easy to get into the bowls behind Francis peak.

All it all it was a great day and a good way to end the snowmobiling season.

What Should I Be Doing Right Now?

2009-04-29T15:05:00.001-07:00

Every six months I will post a blog entry whether I need it or not. I cannot believe it has been that long since the last one. Business school has kept me pretty busy, as evidenced by the lack of posts. Last week I finished the first year of the MBA program and have a couple of weeks until I start my internship with Cummins in Minneapolis.

To catch you up, we moved home to Utah to go to BYU's full-time MBA program. Having just finished the first year, I have lined up an internship with Cummins Power Generation in Fridley, MN (just outside of Minneapolis -- AKA "The Mini Apple.") If you do not know what Cummins does, just ask my mom. She can explain it really well. To put it briefly, Cummins Power Generation makes alternators and generators for everything from boats and RVs to huge backup power systems for hospitals. In fact, they even make the rockets that thrust the space shuttle into space. Not really.

It has been a little weird being out of school this last week. I have not really

known what to do with myself. At first, I had to keep convincing myself that there was not something I was supposed to be doing at all times. After about two days that feeling wore off and I have taken more naps in the last week than in the two semesters before it.

Aside from daily naps and catching up on re-runs of Tyra I have been spending my time hiking, biking, snowmobiling, and biking -- in that order. More on that later.

Juice Please?

2008-11-26T14:48:00.000-08:00

I can't believe the last post was in August! In all fairness, I am now a graduate student and everything I write is critically judged -- a practice that tends to stifle creativity.

To catch you up, we left Memphis and a home we still owned and moved back to Utah. After a few weeks we found a spacious apartment at homely Wymount. It is great because the apartment does not echo like our house did because there is no wall far enough away for sound waves ... to ... do whatever they do to echo. Our house in Memphis miraculously sold the day before we had to make a rent payment for Wymount. The church is true!

Anyway. It is almost Thanksgiving and I thought I would treat you with some creativity so that tomorrow at the dinner table you have something to be thankful for. I wrote this a while back, but it is 100% true and accurate, as far as I can remember.

When I was a senior at Davis High School I took an elective class titled "Adult Roles and Responsibilities." The topics of this class revolved around parenting, marriage, cooking and adult responsibilities – all subjects that are constantly on the mind of a 17-year-old boy/man. Among these topics was that of childbirth. I'm not sure if this was really intended to teach teenage boys about childbirth, or indirectly to prevent teenage boys from engaging in practices that resulted in childbirth. Either way, I suppose the process works.

The capstone of this wonderful lecture series on childbirth was a trip to (then) Humana Hospital to watch a fun little video tape of nameless random woman's exciting child birthing experience.

It would not have been so bad if I were not the only teenage boy there. As it turns out, the rest of the boys in the class decided to skip class that day, and I didn't get the memo – one of many memos I missed in high school.

What an experience! This educational trip did not just stop with a birthing video. After the video, a fresh placenta was rolled in.

I am not sure if it was the video or the placenta or some permutation of both, but it was apparently a shock to my system. As the class walked down the hall, my head felt lighter and lighter, and I had a hard time avoiding the walls. Before I knew it, I was awoken by the sharp fall to the ground.

Don’t worry. Fortunately I was at a hospital. Almost immediately there was a nurse at my side. Before I could say “no” I was lying on a hospital bed contemplating how I would face my friends at school. The nurse made me drink some juice. After taking a moment to fix my hair, which was a little out of place from the fall, the nurse led me back to my waiting classmates. I remember looking up to see them looking back at me. There I was, being escorted down the hall with a cup of juice in my hand and a red bump on my head.

All I could think to mutter was:

"What does someone have to do to get some juice around here?"

Home for Sale: Arlington, TN

2008-08-10T12:46:00.000-07:00

We have made the plunge. We are leaving Memphis to return to BYU for graduate school. Never have Suzanne nor I had such a difficult decision to make. That includes marriage, having a child, accepting a job, filling up a Net Flix cue, renting an apartment, and buying a home.

For the last two months we have been torn between Michigan and BYU. Finally, we decided BYU is the best long-term and short-term solution for our family. Now my mom can stop fasting twice a week.

Although we are very excited to be moving home, there is a little bit of anxiety regarding all the details, which include: selling the house, packing up the house, driving our stuff across the country Clampett style, unloading our belongings...somewhere, and starting school at BYU on September 2nd.

Anyway, just a few things to do. On the job front, I have taken an 'Educational Leave' with Ford, which keeps the door open for me to potentially come back in two years if I choose. I feel like I kind of just jumped off a cliff with a small parachute but we are excited to be doing this and we feel good about it. Except for Cayden...he has no clue what is going on.

School Update

2008-07-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

In case you have not heard from Suz's blog and network of blog-enabled friends, I was accepted at University of Michigan. Although it is great news, it is somewhat anti-climatic as we are waiting to see if Ford will be able to relocate me soon.

It is already looking like I will miss fall semester. Hopefully it will work out for winter semester. I will keep you posted, but probably after the fact.

Massive and Other Superlatives

2008-06-21T19:39:00.000-07:00

If you are acquainted with other members of the Blair family and their respective blogs, then you have likely read their accounts of our journey to Cabo San Lucas by now and are sick of hearing about it. For that, I apologize. Although their fluffy, commercialized accounts do lend a partial truth to what happened, they are just that: a partial truth.

So get yourself a cold beverage, use the restroom, and sit back for the true Blair Mexican experience.

1. The Massive Papercut: You may have heard about it already. It was the slice heard around the world. I was trying to help Lindsay find something on a sheet of paper and without warning she turned on me. I do not know what it was that set her off, but I have never seen that look in her eyes. It was like a cat that had backed itself into a corner. I motioned harmlessly toward the piece of paper, and with one enormous swoop, she thrust the paper toward me -- pulling it sideways as she came. This sideways thrust turned an innocent piece of brilliant white paper into a weapon capable of penetrating flesh.

I tried to react and step back, but it was too late. The paper had already penetrated the space between my finger and fingernail, leaving in its wake a swath of exposed flesh. In a calm yet stern voice, I said: "Lindsay, you have given me a massive papercut."

Why massive? Lesser adjectives such as large, big, or huge simply would not convey the gravity of this wound. Within seconds, my body's circulatory system shifted blood flow from my head and vital organs to this gaping wound. With the cut being located underneath my fingernail, there was no way to mitigate the loss of blood.

As I struggled to remain on my feet, the first thought that entered my head was how I was going to swim in the salty ocean with this unconcealable wound. You would be happy to know that the wound has since healed and I am a stronger person for it.

2. Mexican Economy Soars: From the first time Julie and Lindsay made their way to the beachfront at the foot of our hotel, they were an easy mark for the natives who had come to peddle their wares. Within twenty minutes there was a swarm of white-clothed natives huddling around Julie and Lindsay. Although they both paid cash, Lindsay's financial backer turned out to be Mom. With the influx of American Dollars, the Mexican economy felt a slight bump during the week of May 26th, termed by analysts as the 'Blair Stimulus package.'

3. The Sunburn: The Blair family genes produce skin that is almost incapable of absorbing large amounts of sun without the assistance of sunscreen. Apparently, this was news to Lindsay. For some reason she assumed that because she was able to watch TV in her living room in Ogden, Utah without getting a sunburn, she would be able to spend hours on the beach in Cabo San Lucas ALSO without getting a sunburn.

Therefore after day 1, Lindsay spent the balance of the vacation fully-clothed on the beach. This did not prove problematic for her as it allowed her more time to stimulate the Mexican economy.

4. Cheap Sunglasses: When I arrived in Mexico, I had one goal in mind. I needed a pair of fake sunglasses. As it turns out, I have somewhat picky tastes. I found a pair I really liked but the seller was unwilling to accept five American dollars. Although, I really liked the glasses, I played it cool and resorted to wait for the right deal to come along.

Unfortunately, I never found that pair again. I did track down the same seller the following day. That coveted pair of sunglasses was no longer in his portfolio. When I indicated he did not have what I wanted, he presented a small plastic bag containing herbs. My street smarts told me these herbs were not harvested to add flavor to pasta.

I moved on -- quickly.

Prior to returning home, I did settle on a pair of sunglasses. It was very important that I paid less than the original asking price. After an internal debate I purchased a pair of Oakley's for $9.00 (original asking price was $11.00.) I am sure they are Oakley's because they said Oakley right on them and had an Oakley tag attached to them. For some reason, Oakley's in Mexico approximately 90% cheaper than in the United States.

5. No Bad Days: It started as a simple recommendation for a restaurant. Mom picked up an inside track scoop on a great place for lunch following our very fun snorkeling outing. The place was called "The Roadhouse." Our directions to said location were far from complete. We knew it was close to Costco, which had become our central point of reference during our visit.

We ended up having to ask for directions from the natives. We were fortunate that we had a native Spanish speaker in our Grand Caravan: Julie. After sending Julie into a Hotel, gas station, restaurant, and Costco -- all of which yielding no results -- we began to wonder of "The Roadhouse" actually existed or if we were chasing an invisible dream.

Hunger and disappointment quickly turned to panic as Dad took a shortcut down a dirt road and before we knew it we were being followed by a couple of natives in this Mad Max-inspired Lincoln Town Car. Fortunately, Dad was very adept in navigating the side streets as this was not his first time being lost in a central American ghetto that week.

After barely escaping Mad Max with our lives a stroke of luck pointed us in the right direction. Before we knew it, there it was ahead on the right, like a mirage: "The Roadhouse."

From the sign you can see that "The Roadhouse" is open six days a week but closed Tuesday. It was Tuesday. The restaurant's theme is "There are no bad days." Tuesday was a bad day.

All kidding aside, it was a great vacation. For the first time since the C-Monster was born, Suzanne and I got to be irresponsible newlyweds again. Aside from the adventures listed above, we also got to take a water taxi over to Lover's beach. Dad and I also hiked over to Divorce beach -- seriously, that is what it is called. It was a great vacation and we are very grateful to Mom and Dad for making it happen. I think it will be a long time before a vacation like this happens again.

Thanks Mom and Dad.

School Update

2008-06-10T18:16:00.000-07:00

I was also accepted to BYU's full-time program. My interview with University of Michigan is next Wednesday in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Update...

2008-04-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

Good news folks! I am going to school...somewhere. I was accepted at Emory University in Atlanta a few weeks ago and today, at Carnegie Mellon in Pittsburgh. I applied to both schools' evening MBA programs so I could attend school and still work full time with Ford.

Ultimately, I am still waiting to hear back from University of Michigan, but it is sounding good. So I will update you when I know more.

"OCD yeah you know me"

2008-04-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

My lovely wife has recently posted the familiar "7 things about me" post that currently pervades the blogging world like a communicable illness. Although she did not directly ask me to reply in kind, my recent lack of posting and wanting to satisfy her good nature have resulted in my list of "7 things you may not know about me."

Please be warned, what I am about to share I have never shared with anyone except Suz...and maybe my closest friends...and my family...and informal acquaintances...and people I sit next to on planes.

1. I have a slight case of self-diagnosed OCD. Do not worry about me Mom. I am not talking about the life-inhibiting OCD you see on episodes of MTV's True Life. My case involves little quirks. I check doors twice to make sure they are locked. I unplug everything I can when I leave the house for a prolonged amount of time because I fear the house will catch fire if I do not. Just little stuff. I am not concerned about these habits, because they are little quirks I am aware of. Suz, likes to remind me of them in case I forget. As long as I recognize them, they are not going to control my life.

2. I am a Left-Handed Person. Although this explains my markedly high intelligence and profound knack for creative reasoning, it also prevents me from sharing in the benefits of a community baseball mitt, or borrowing a friend's golf clubs. Just as Chris McManus penned (with his left hand undoubtedly) "left-handers' brains are structured differently in a way that widens their range of abilities." I share the blessing and curse of former politicians Ronald Reagan and Benjamin Franklin, late-night entertainers David Letterman and Jay Leno, and other outside-the-box thinkers like Napoleon Bonaparte, Bart Simpson and Fidel Castro. So to my readers out there who share the plight of left-handedness, I say: "Unite! For we too, will have our day." (August 13th)

3. I love Peeps. By peeps, I mean sugar-covered marshmallows, not people from my 'hood. Peeps are best enjoyed when hardened. Cut the cellophane open and let them cure for a day or two. Hang on...

...Sorry, I thought I left the stove on.

4. I ran for student body in 9th grade. All my friends were involved in soccer, basketball and other extra-curricular activities. I felt being a member of the National Honor Society was not enough, so I ran for office as a last-minute write in. Believe or not I ran on the "Chris Farley, Motivational Speaker" platform. The administration did not appreciate my reference to rolling doobies in a van down by the river during my election skit. I gracefully bowed out of the race shortly after...because I did not make the primaries.

5. As a child I had a Teddy Ruxpin. One day my cousin broke Teddie's lower jaw, rendering him deaf and mute. On that day I learned that life is not fair.

6. I married the first woman that would kiss me. She was also the first woman that would hold my hand and the first woman that would go on more than one date with me. It only takes one, if it is the right one. Tender.

7. Yes, I did get my tongue stuck on the shelf in the freezer. Why? My brain told me to. (Stop laughing Julie.) I have no other explanation. I was young and impressionable and that left-handed brain started thinking out of the box, right out of the box.

Well that is all you get for now. I feel emotionally vulnerable. I need to go. I do not think I locked the door when I got home.

Soooo Sleepy...

2008-03-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

First of all, do not get too excited. There is no fancy music, no special effects -- just one tired boy. This is probably the most tired we have ever seen the C-Monster. It happened a couple of Sunday's ago.

He woke up fairly early that morning and because we do not get home from church until about 12:30 he went about six hours without a nap.

If You're Going To Party...

2008-03-13T18:57:00.000-07:00

Party like a rockstar!

Yes, I know...I am still on blogging hiatus, but with that picture, this blog wrote itself.

Can you SMELL, what the Blog's got COOKIN???

2008-03-01T05:53:00.000-08:00

(The title was a wrestling reference...most likely wasted on this audience.)

You may have noticed the blogging world has fallen on dark times. It has been nearly three months since my last blog. Truly these are the dark ages of blogging. Trust me, there is a blog cooking and you know what happens when you open the oven door before it is ready -- all the heat leaves the oven and it takes longer. (That's what Mom always said.) So unless you want an under-cooked blog with a riveting beginning but a cold center -- be patient.

Although you may think that my lack of blogging indicates I have just been taking it easy with my feet up on the couch eating bon-bons and watching re-runs of Tyra -- that could not be further from the truth.

Again, I have been working on grad school applications that take up all of my discretionary time. I feel it necessary to explain this as I am taking heat from family, friends, and next of kin for the lack of original content. The good news is this: I am very close to having the applications done. In another couple of weeks I will have finished the apps for ITT Tech and Stevens Henager and I will once again be a free man.

In the meantime, you don't want to force the blog button. Good things come to those who wait -- sometimes. Sometimes they just don't. (I am just trying to manage your expectations.)

Cayden's New Moves

2007-12-17T20:23:00.000-08:00

Not a lot of explanation required here:

New Car: 2008 Lincoln MKX

2007-12-01T09:24:00.000-08:00

This is how we roll.

This new car may be a Lincoln MKX like my last car was, but there are a few key changes:

Rollin' on Dubs (Translation: The rims on this car are huge! 20" rims VS. 18" that came on the last MKX.

SYNC interactive system designed by Microsoft (Integrates bluetooth phones and ipod players so they can be controlled by your voice and played through the car's THX sound system.

Vapor Silver (New color for 2008.)

Panoramic Vista Roof (Not one, but TWO gaping holes to the sky. Really cool.)

The Black MKX was sharp and I loved driving it. I was ready for the new one however. (Plus we had to change Cayden on the front seat of the old one on our return trip from Kansas last week. Once you change a diaper in a car, it needs to be replaced.)

Fall Fling: 2007 Mustang GT California Special

2007-11-16T20:01:00.001-08:00

Do not get too excited: this was just a weekend fling. The MKX is back in the garage. It was a good weekend though.

This beautiful red stallion is fast and fun. It definitely turns a lot of heads. It was Cayden's first time in a convertible. It is actually easier to take the top down to put him in his car seat rather than going through the passenger-side door. At high speeds he did not really appreciate the wind, but cruising around Arlington he was all smiles.

Nothing To Say...

2007-11-16T19:51:00.000-08:00

Well, writing a blog entry when you have nothing to say is kind of like handing a microphone to a drunk. You are never quite sure what is going to come out. But sometimes it is fun to just write on the fly.

Today was not Veteran's Day. For some reason Ford Motor Company recognized Veteran's Day today anyway. I did not have a problem with that because it meant I got to stay home with Suz and the C-Monster.

We did not do a whole lot, but it was fine anyway. We slept in, ate waffles, went to the park, and did some Christmas shopping.

Somewhere in there I got stuck in front of the television watching Dora the Explorer. It was kind of embarrassing when I realized Cayden had left the room and it was just me watching Dora the Explorer.

You know that feeling. Like when you space out when driving and realize that you have listened to almost an entire Madonna song.

Anyway, I had to turn Dora off because I felt like I was being manipulated into learning Spanish.

That is all for now. Hasta Luego.

Cayden B. Goode

2007-10-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

Wow! I got a few responses after that last blog entry I wrote on the fly. Maybe I am over-thinking this process.

Anyway, after calling back everyone that asked me to call them, I decided to go back to the editing room. Some of you have been patient. Some of you have not. Regardless, it is time to open up the video archives and see what I can pull together.

If you have not noticed, pretty much every video I make features no adults, just Cayden -- hence the name 'Cayden Cam.' All you see are the muppets and the adults' legs. It kind of reminds me of a 'Muppet Babies' episode.

"If it ain't broke -- don't fix it."

That being said, this is what the C-Monster has been doing since the last video. Crank up the sound and enjoy!

Where's the Love?

2007-10-21T14:26:00.000-07:00

I am taking a lot of heat as of late regarding my lack of updates. For this, I do not apologize. I began this blogging process much earlier than most of you. I should have some blogging credits saved up somewhere in the Internet bank controlled by Al Gore.

That being said, let it be known that I have been very busy researching and completing applications for graduate school. Although I have not been posting it, I have still been writing...application essays.

This is a tough process because you have to make yourself sound good -- but not arrogant. You have to weave in examples that show why you are so great, but still so humble. Like the time I found a way to re-use postage stamps, resulting in immense cost savings that single-handedly saved the company from certain bankruptcy, but did not take credit for it -- until now.

I have also had to highlight my diversity skills by relaying my experience ordering pizzas with half pepperoni and half Canadian bacon with pineapple. This increase in pizza topping availability made a higher percentage of people happy, resulting in higher levels of workplace satisfaction, which single-handedly saved the company from certain bankruptcy.

The most difficult essay by far involved identifying the biggest mistake in my career in which I tried to use a label maker and accidentally triggered my company's silent alarm . . . which almost single-handedly sent my company to the brink of certain bankruptcy.

The point in all this is . . . well, I'm not sure that there was intended to be a point. But I have not been neglecting the blogging community, I have just been busy.

Stay tuned. There will be more to come....no promises as to when though.

Mobile Monster

2007-09-09T17:27:00.000-07:00

Just a quick glimpse of what is to come...

Who's running this place?

2007-08-27T18:29:00.000-07:00

As the pictures below indicate, we have turned over the keys to our house to Cayden. He obviously has free reign over it.

Allow me to explain what you see:

On the ground: Baby wipes (clean, sterile baby wipes.) Cayden has learned how to take baby wipes out of the package by himself. He has not learned how to put them back yet...

Neither have we.

The chairs: Cayden cannot walk by himself, but

he could push a car uphill if that's where he wants the car to be. Cayden likes to push things. He pushes the chairs and his high chair all over the kitchen.

The garbage can: You can't see it. Because it is on top of one of the chairs. Cayden kept knocking it over when it was on the ground and exploring the contents therein.

The mop: The mop used to be in the crevice between the counter and the refrigerator. The mop has had to find a new place to live because Cayden learned how to slide in the crevice between the counter and the refrigerator.

Cayden's Air Force Ones

2007-08-19T19:27:00.000-07:00

And now for something different...

This next Cayden Cam brings a bit of the urban flavor.

Cayden Cam Fans: It is on!

New Car: 2007 Lincoln MKX

2007-08-12T15:08:00.000-07:00

Lincoln has decided that cars are more distinct and memorable if their names are composed of hard to remember conglomerates of random letters.

Enter the Lincoln MKX.

That -- would be the only downer of this b-e-a-u-tiful black ride. As you may be aware the Lincoln MKX is the flashier, high-society version of the Ford Edge. They share sheetmetal, platforms, and powertrain.

That being said, the MKX comes with a few tricks the Edge cannot match:

Heated REAR seats
Heated AND Cooled Front seats
THX-Certified 14-speaker stereo (I have only found 11 so far...Still looking for three.)
18" Chromed wheels
Power lift-gate (As in, you push a button and the hatch opens. You push a button and the hatch closes.)
Chrome everywhere.

Suzanne is partial to the Edge. I love this car. I feel a little out of place driving it. People look at me and I can read their thoughts:

"Does your mother know you're driving her car?"

For Julie...

2007-08-12T14:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of blog activity. Creativity has been at a standstill over the last couple weeks. Just had a little today.

Julie -- this one's for you:

"She is The Blogging Queen, not a Clogging Queen, older than seventeen
Blogging Queen, previewing her blog on her 17” screen.
She can type, she can comment, recounting the stories of her life
See that girl, counting scorpions, dig in the Blogging Queen!"

New Cayden Cam Video: Warning!

2007-07-16T18:54:00.000-07:00

Cayden Cam Junkies:

After countless emails and letters from fans across the country pleading for more Cayden Cam, I have returned from hiding to bring the fans what they want: more Cayden Cam.

It was a tremendously difficult decision. Great Life was such an iconic hit with the fan base, that I felt anything else would pale by comparison. That is the chance I take to give the people what they want.

It comes with a warning however: You are about to have a song stuck in your head that you probably do not want people to hear you singing to yourself. Please use discretion.

You brought this upon yourselves.

That being said: Enjoy!

The Mistress: New Bike

2007-07-04T10:30:00.000-07:00

Some of you may have been confused about the last post. Pick up a cycling magazine and read up. In case you have not heard, me and the Allez have decided we are going to just be friends.

It was not exactly mutual. You see, I am riding something else now.
Enter: Cannondale CAAD 8.

Specs:

Aluminum Cannondale CAAD 8 Frame
Cannondale Slice Carbon Fork
Campagnolo Record Headset
Dura-Ace Groupo
Mavic Ksyrium SL Wheel Set

After one week and two 50-mile rides, I can say it is love at first ride.

Here is how it works: Dad broke the Dura-Ace shift lever on his Merlin Extra Lite when the garage door caught the handlebars. A friend informed Dad that the local bike shop had the bike above with a complete Campagnolo groupo for just over the price of the Campagnolo groupo alone. As an added bonus, the bike came with 2007 Mavic Ksyrium Rims and a very solid Aluminum Frame.

After thinking it over for, say...seven minutes -- Dad bought the bike with the intent of robbing the Campagnolo components and the new rims to put on his bike. As a result, the Dura-Ace groupo that was on Dad's Merlin Extra Lite was put on the Cannondale -- along with a new Dura Ace Flight Deck shift lever to replace the broken one.

After Dad waved the bike in my face -- but just out of reach, we were able to arrange a purchase plan. At the end of the day, Dad got a good deal on a Campagnolo groupo -- the Holy Grail of componentry -- and I got a good deal on everything else.

The only problem now is that with a good bike underneath me, I don't have any excuses left.

Cheating Heart

2007-06-29T20:20:00.000-07:00

When were you going to tell me Rand? For the last several months every Saturday we have enjoyed that precious morning ride together. Then suddenly you disappear for a week without telling me anything. When you come back you won't even look at me.

And then last night you come home with a newer, lighter model. Is the four-pound difference in weight worth the anguish you're making me feel?

You never looked at me the way you look at her and it hurts. What does she have that I don't have? An aluminum frame? I have news for you: I'm a carbon fiber composite. I may be old-school technology, but my subtle ride will not punish you like aluminum will.

Is it the full Dura-Ace groupo? Because I have Dura-Ace too! And did you think I wouldn't notice that little Campagnolo Record headset she was wearing. The tramp!

I may not have a Slice Carbon fork or Mavic Ksyrium SL rims, but I have heart. I was there for you on days that were too wet for a trail ride, where only a road bike would do.

I should have seen this coming. You and your father are just the same. I was his pride and joy for years until that Merlin Extra-Lite showed up. Suddenly my years of loyalty meant nothing as I became the 'back-up Lotoja bike.'

I can't go through that again. You have to love me...or let me go.

Lovingly yours,

Specialized Allez

New Cayden Cam Video: The C-Monster IS GO!

2007-06-09T05:35:00.001-07:00

Hello there Cayden Cam junkies. Has it been a while since you got your fix? As of today, the Cayden Cam has fresh product.

New Cayden Cam Video: Toro!

2007-05-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

To whom it may concern:

I uploaded a new video to the Cayden Cam last week.

The Late-Night Binge

2007-05-19T09:37:00.000-07:00

You know that feeling you get right before you are going to start fasting or go without food for a while? I experience that every night. Suz will validate. Do not laugh -- because it is not funny. I just get ultra snacky right before bed.

So...I will have something salty.

Then I will think: "That was good...but I want to end on something sweet."

So...I will have something sweet.

Then I will think: "That was good too...but I think I acutally wanted to end on something salty after all."

And the cycle repeats.

The other night -- I kid you not -- I had the following foods in the the following order (as near as I remember):

Sip of Mug's Rootbeer (The BEST rootbeer -- do not bring that Barq's crap!)
Three Ritz crackers with Mozzarella cheese spread that Mom left from her last visit
One Chips Ahoy cookie
Two bites of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream (I know, two sweets in a row -- big faux pas)
A sip of the Fuze grapefruit juice -- from Mom's last visit (This nasty crap is neither sweet nor salty, so it balances out the two sweets that proceeded it.)
Water (I had to have something to clear the previous five items out.)

And that is it. I do not know how I made it through the night without perishing for lack of food. If I were a Diabetic, this would be the perfect storm.

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-13T18:44:00.000-07:00

If you are a man with a wife or mother: Today is Mother's Day. If this comes as news to you -- you screwed up. You better go find a Walgreen's or something.

Suzanne got flowers from me and a new mini-video from C-Monster. Okay, I helped -- a little. Anyway, Suzanne is an excellent mother and by far the best mother of my child! Hands down. That is why Cayden and I love her so much.

(And she makes chocolate-chip cookies for me on Sundays)

New Car: 2007 Ford Edge

2007-05-06T17:39:00.000-07:00

"I want to live on the EDGE!"

If you've been half-awake during any American Idol episode this year then you have probably heard the commercials. And although my new Ford Edge does not drive on buildings -- it is still pretty sweet.

This particular vehicle was a hand-me-down from one of our employees here that was relocated to Detroit. A little strategic planning on my part planted me in the 10-way, heated, charcoal leather driver's seat.

I must say, it was very hard to say goodbye to the Milan. We have been though a lot together. 14,000 miles to be exact. But, the eye-catching Edge is quickly filling the void. Tender.

Here are the details:

2007 Edge SEL

All-Wheel Drive

3.5L V6

265 HP (Best-in-class)

250 lb./ft. of torque

18" wheels

Navigation

DVD-Entertainment Center

Am I pleased with it? Very. It has all the capability of an Explorer but handling more similar to the Milan or Fusion. And it will get you to 60 MPH quicker than a Nissan Murano (ahem) with an interior quieter than a Lexus RX 330.

I have a website too, folks.

2007-05-04T17:29:00.000-07:00

After receiving several (2) emails from my adoring fans wondering where the new videos are that I had promised, I am prompted to say:

"And other sites I have, which are not of this blog: them also I must write, and they shall hear my voice."

What does this mean? Well:

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, Before randblair.blogspot.com was, RandBlair.com was"

In short, the videos are posted to my website. When I posted them earlier this week I didn't get around to announcing it here on my blog. But the videos are there regardless. Here is the link:

www.randblair.com/features/cayden-cam.htm

There are two new videos in the last week. Enjoy.

P.S. New car write-up coming shortly.
P.S.S. Cayden is seven months old today!

Getting Older...

2007-04-21T12:46:00.000-07:00

Sorry, no C-Monster videos today. He and Suzanne are still in Utah vacationing while I sit here alone and dejected. Wow -- I got even more depressed just writing that.

The real reason I logged in today was to tell you I legitimately forgot how old I was yesterday. Seriously. I was driving along and I thought:

"I am half-way between 20 and 30 (25.)"
"Wait -- am I 25 or 26?"

I seriously had to do the math from 1981 forward. Yep: 26.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2007-04-15T16:02:00.000-07:00

Well, it is finally happening. Suz is leaving me and taking the C-Monster to Utah...for a week. Which will mean I am a bachelor...for a week.

Fortunately, it turns out to be the week I will be working down in New Orleans. If Suz has to go home for a week, it might as well be a week when I'll be gone anyway.

I will miss them both terribly and I will have nothing but this video to get me by:

Le Bottle and La Hat

Cayden Cam: Easter!

2007-04-08T18:16:00.000-07:00

Cayden is learning to sit up like a big boy. But it is so hard...

http://www.randblair.com/features/cayden-cam040807.htm

Check out the Cayden Cam:

2007-03-24T22:12:00.000-07:00

Check out the C-Monster in action LIVE. He loves that binky and one day he will get it in his mouth.

http://www.randblair.com/features/cayden-cam032407.htm

Get a quick look because he is about to go down for a nap!

Cayden: Day 159

2007-03-11T16:19:00.000-07:00

It has been amazing over the last couple months to watch as the Cayden's personality has begun to surface. He definitely has a distinct personality all his own. The C-Monster (Cayden) LOVES to watch television. He got that from his mother.

He is old enough now to recognize when sleepy time is coming and he fights it like the plague. He is eating solid foods now (baby food.) It makes his poop smell much, much worse than before.

Overall, he is just so much more aware of other things and other people now. He loves to watch me and Suzanne. If you talk to him in a funny voice he laughs too.

Information Overload

2007-02-17T09:38:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the long stretch of nothing but video. The time has come to end my silence. I have been driving quite a bit lately and after so many hours of driving you grow bored with music -- even the wealth of music available on Sirius Satellite Radio available in the 2007 Mercury Milan.

So, like the boring old man I am quickly becoming, I find myself turning the dial to news radio. Fox, CNN, MS NBC, etc. They all find joy in over-reporting the next big story.

Unfortunately, the best news NASA Astronaut Lisa Nowak heard last week was that Anna Nicole died. Suddenly people quit talking about her.

After two weeks of listening this is what I know so far:

Anna Nicole is still dead
We don't know who the father is
There are at least six candidates for the presidential primary
There are a few more candidates for the the father of Anna Nicole's baby
Even Astronauts make huge, embarrassing, diaper-wearing mistakes

In other, more important news: Our household has been blessed with the Tivo box! I seriously do not know how we functioned without this before. It will completely change the way we watch television.

Last night, Suz an I watched back-to-back episodes of Lost. I still have a headache from trying to figure out what is going on. Tivo is a definite 'Recommended Buy' in my book. I was skeptical at first, but wow.

Prepare to be Amazed

2007-01-27T19:36:00.000-08:00

The Wheels On The Bus

2007-01-21T19:14:00.000-08:00


Cayden loves "The Wheels On The Bus." It makes him smile. Therefore, Suz likes to sing it to him -- because we like to see him smile. Rand loves to record random things, like Suz singing to Cayden. All of this culminated in the creation of this video.

Bountiful Peak Snowmobiling

2007-01-06T19:38:00.000-08:00


Footage of our trip to the cabin over Christmas Break.

The Holy War

2006-11-26T16:23:00.000-08:00

Utah Fans: This is the image I want you to burn into your brains for the next 52 weeks.

I must confess, I became disillusioned yesterday somewhere during the second or third quarter. Strangely, none of the television stations in Memphis, Tennessee carry BYU games so I was left with a Utah-slanted play-by-play through the 2007 Mercury Milan's optional Sirius Satellite radio. They obviously picked up a feed from Utah's sports radio. Trying to listen to the game on the radio and watching BYU's eight-game winning streak get soggy, I eventually turned the radio off and decided to hear about it in the morning. I am my father's son.

Well, morning could not wait. When I got home my computer was open to the scoreboard where I had left it hours before and there it was in big sans serif letters:

Brigham Young - 33
University of Utah - 31

More importantly, I was quick to notice the small "F" next to the score indicating it was final. I spent the next hour scouring the multiple college football games that ARE broadcast east of the Mississippi hoping for a highlight reel.

What a play John Beck.

So to all you Utah fans out there, know this: winning is hard, losing is even harder.

There is always next year.

Cayden: Week 6

2006-11-13T13:57:00.000-08:00

Where is the off button? Last week Suz, Cayden and I went for a family tour of Arlington at 3:30 am. It worked. Cayden went to sleep. It just worked about four hours later than we would have preferred.

This week we tried something new. We put him in his car seat and stuck him on top of the dryer while it was running.

Who knew? Literally after one minute of the tumble cycle Cayden's eyes were drooping and blinks became longer and longer. It worked and burned less gas than a midnight tour of Arlington. We've used it twice already. But, like a narcotic, it is addicting and we don't want little Cayden to feel like he needs to be strapped to a huge machine to fall asleep.

We'll keep you posted...

New Car: 2007 Mercury Milan

2006-11-11T14:18:00.000-08:00

The Eddie Bauer Explorer was a nice car. It had all the goodies -- suede leather seats, DVD navigation, room for seven. It was also fun to drive, but after Cayden pee'd on the dashboard, the Explorer lost its luster. Done. Gone. On to the next one.

Enter the 2007 Mercury Milan. Aside from all the goodies I have unfortunately come to take for granted, this sucker will scream on the highway and off.

Here are the stats:

3.0L V6 good for 221 hp
All-wheel-drive (a segment exclusive)
Satellite Radio
DVD Navigation
mp3 Input Jack for iPod
Two-tone leather seats

All in all, it has plenty of gusto and holds the road like a fat man holds a greasy fork.

Cayden: 1 Month Old

2006-11-04T17:21:00.000-08:00

Believe it or not, little Cayden Blair is now one month old and 31 days closer to getting his driver's license.

The parents have long since returned home to Utah, leaving Suzanne and I at the controls (that should read "leaving Suzanne at the controls.")

We are proud to announce that he officially has a belly button now. No more unsightly dead, dry flesh plugs. Just a pink little button on the center of a melon-shaped belly.

He manages to sleep on and off during the day and night. Somehow he manages to stay awake between 10:00 pm and 1:00 am most nights. It is hard to stay mad at him though.

When a Diaper Change Goes Terribly Wrong

2006-10-24T19:23:00.000-07:00

There are lessons that each new mother learns, such as a baby has no concept of night or day, if you are breastfeeding your baby eats what you eat, and then the special lesson that only a new mother of a little boy can appreciate: when changing a diaper it is best to keep things covered as much as possible.

Yesterday Cayden got to take his first trip to Downtown Memphis while giving Grandpa and Grandma Blair a tour. Of course Cayden didn't see much as he was asleep most of the way, except for on the way home. He made his presence known, and I had the joy of changing my first diaper in the car. Things were going great until I opened the diaper and saw that it was not just wet, but the joy didn't stop there. As I was cleaning him off, all of the sudden a stream of urine shot onto Cayden's face, past his head onto the meticulously clean dashboard of Rand's Explorer, and down my leg! Yeah, that was a fun lesson to learn.

In other fun lessons, it turns out that babies go through A LOT of diapers. I think I should have gotten a job with pampers for a while! Oh well, at least they look cute while you are changing them!

Cayden: Day 17

2006-10-18T19:45:00.000-07:00

What a cute kid!

Cayden: Day 11

2006-10-14T14:44:00.000-07:00

With Suzanne's parents leaving early this morning, Suz and I found ourselves alone with Cayden for the first time outside of a hospital. It is a little intimidating, but if Britney Spears can handle it, we're up for it.

Cayden and I got some one-on-one time this morning. Suzanne took a bath and that left me in charge. Cayden did pretty well for a while. Then he woke up.

He decided to throw some crying at me to see how daddy would handle it. After trying several different methods to coax Cayden back to sleep, I decided to bite the bullet and change his wet diaper. I've changed quite a few diapers in the last 11 days so this wasn't a big deal.

I got his diaper off and was working on getting the next one on when there was a loud knock on the door.

"Who is knocking on our door at 11:00 am on a Saturday morning."

I couldn't really get to the door as I was still in my underwear and Cayden, even less. I got Cayden dressed just in time for another knock on the door. I decided to throw some clothes on and get the door, Cayden in tow.

It was the Jehovah's Witnesses.

Cayden: Day 8

2006-10-12T16:07:00.000-07:00

It happened today. I knew the day was coming. It's here.

Today I officially became that guy in the office with a picture of his new baby plastered all over his desktop.

What happened to me? I used to be 'cool guy.' You know, pictures of Ford Mustangs or other cool cars. Gone are the days of fast cars or snowmobiling pics. Now I'm 'that guy.'

Oh well. It's all about what you come home to at night...

P.S. Want Cayden on your desktop?

Cayden Bath 1024x768

PC Users: Click on the link. When the picture loads, right-click and select "Set as Background"
Mac Users: Take a hike.

Cayden: Day 5

2006-10-08T15:58:00.000-07:00

I'm tired.
Suzanne's mom is more tired.
Suzanne is even more tired.

Cayden...couldn't care less.

If he wasn't so incredibly cute he would be frustrating. He is the kind of cute that sticks his super long arms out straight on both sides when you pick him up and he acts like he can't control it, even though he does it on cue.

For the first few days he seemed to love sleeping more than he loved eating, much to the worry of his mother. That somehow changed last night and he hasn't caught a wink since. So in review:

-He is eating
-He is pooping
-He is peeing (after a trip to the doctor we learned that those diapers are super absorbent)
-He used to be sleeping...

And Then There Were Three...

2006-10-04T18:02:00.000-07:00

Cayden Carl Blair
Born October 4th, 2006 - 1:05 PM
7 pounds 11 ounces
21.75 inches

Waiting...

2006-10-04T07:32:00.000-07:00

Suz and I are at the hospital in Labor & Delivery. We arrived last night at 5:00 PM with plans to induce this morning.

Suz is getting medicine to get things going but so far our little boy is chillin' like a villain. I think he just knows that as soon as he comes out that little operation for little boys is coming.

We'll keep you posted. Don't worry Mom, everything is FINE.

When's that BABY due...

2006-09-26T19:45:00.000-07:00

Scary, scary. Believe it or not, this baby boy that has been hanging around below Suzanne's ribs is eventually going to come out. When he does, life will officially begin.

We're going to have to behave like adults. I'm not sure we're ready for this. Adults do not eat straight out of a two-gallon bucket of cookie dough. Suz and I do. The cookie dough bucket makes 80 cookies, of which we cooked nine. We found that the sides of the bucket thaw out before the center does. Therefore, we are left with a small, frozen island of chocolate chip cookie dough at the bottom of the bucket...and a tummy ache.

Can babies eat cookie dough straight from the bucket?

New Car: 2006 Eddie Bauer Explorer

2006-09-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

My days of ignorantly driving around in a luxury sedan far above my means are officially over. My 2006 Lincoln Zephyr has officially retired from active duty and has made its way to the dealer auction.

And now my days of ignorantly driving around in a luxury SUV far above my means have officially begun. While I had the difficult task of parting with my beloved Zephyr, stepping up into the Eddie Bauer Explorer and breathing in the aroma from the suede-leather inserts that were keeping cows warm days earlier somehow made the transition bearable.

So here is the run down:

4.0L V6 SOHC - The beefy, new V8 that came out of the Mustang GT was not on option for sales vehicles. Poor me!
4-wheel drive
Preferred suede-leather seats
Power third-row seat
DVD-based Navigation System
18" Alloy Rims
All the other goodies...

I'm liking the Explorer. I loved the Limited '05 I had last year. But the '06 has been greatly re-vamped both externally and internally. For an SUV it rides smooth and has decent power for a V6. I haven't had to use 4-wheel drive yet, but it will be convenient should we have any ice storms before my next vehicle arrives -- which may happen later this year.

This Just In...Solar System Super-Sized.

2006-08-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

I was reading the local news the other day (by accident -- it was hanging above a urinal in a public restroom.) I came across ground-breaking news: There may actually be 12 planets rather than nine!

Yeah, I know: everything I ever learned in 5th grade is suddenly subject to change. There is even talk that textbooks will have to be changed. For me, the fundamental questions remain:

-Why do we care how many planets there are?
-Why is it important that today there are three more planets and three less fiery balls of mass than there were yesterday?

Unless there is oil or weapons of mass destruction on these planets, who cares? Interesting point: while there appears to be no sign of intelligent life, satellite images revealed 327 Starbucks locations.

Now we have to reprint all the text books. By the way, while we're in there changing the textbooks, for the benefit of 'The South,' go ahead and re-word 'Civil War' to read 'War of Northern Aggression.' You can bet a bucket of fried chicken they've already changed it in their books.

New Car: Lincoln Zephyr

2006-04-29T19:26:00.000-07:00

Once again, the car gods have smiled upon me. In a stroke of pure luck, I have become the driver of a shiny new Lincoln Zephyr.

Here is how it came to pass:
Two Lincoln Zehpyrs were issued to a couple of higher-ups in the office. When they traded up to a Lincoln LS, these two cream-puffs hit the market. Everyone who had been issued a Fusion earlier this year put their name in to draw out one of the two Zephyrs. Lady luck was on my side that day as my name was the first drawn out.

This car is a dream. If the Fusion was fun, new and sporty. Well, the Zephyr is all that and a bag of chips (snap.)
Here are the stats:

Engine: 3.0L Duratec V6
Horses: 221
Sound System: THX Certified
Speakers: 12 (I still haven't found one of them.)
Other Goodies: Heated AND Cooled seats, Navigation System, Satin Nickel Trim

Fusion Arrives...

2006-01-21T12:45:00.000-08:00

Hello one and all. Yes I am still alive and I have great news: My shiny new Ford Fusion has arrived. It was difficult to see the Explorer go. We have been through a lot together. But let's face it, it had a gum stain on the floor, and well, once a car has a stain in the carpet it's old hat.

Done - Gone - On to the next one.

The next one happens to be the brand-spanking new Ford Fusion. After driving it for almost a week, my official rating for this new vehicle is: wicked sweet. Don't laugh Lindsay. It really is wicked sweet. Like the perfect woman, this car is good-looking yet approachable.

I ordered a jet black Fusion SEL (SEL stands for: load it up!). And with the exception of the V6 engine and the power sunroof, this beauty has everything, from a six-disc in-dash CD changer with MP3 capability and eight booming speakers to heated leather seats with cool oatmeal-colored stitching.

I was a little upset at first that my driving excitement would be held captive by an I4 (four-cylinder engine for everyone but dad.) However, after acquainting myself with the tight five-speed manual transmission it became apparent that this four-banger has plenty of pep. I've had it for five days and put over 600 miles on it, mostly on the highways of northern Mississippi.

The car also handles very well. I've taken a few hard corners and the 17" rims hold the road a heck of a lot better than an Explorer.

Overall, I was very impressed. More importantly, I am very happy with the new direction Ford is heading in design.

Hey - Whot Happen?

2005-10-29T14:20:00.000-07:00

I've been on a bit of a creative slump lately. Hence, the lack of posts. I hate writing something just for the sake of writing something. Um...kind of like I'm doing know I guess.

[Awkward pause]

So, life is good here in Memphis. Yep, I still live in Memphis and I still work for Ford. That's pretty good considering Ford just went through a pretty major restructuring. Technically, it was a 'right-sizing' -- not to be confused with a down-sizing.

Apparently, our company was wrong-sized to begin with. Needless to say, I still have a job and I made it through without being down-sized, right-sized, or even super-sized.

Well all creative powers have left me again. I better quit now before I do some real damage.

We're all gonna die!

2005-09-10T14:57:00.000-07:00

In America, capitalism is king. What that really means is that commerce is generally driven by the law of supply and demand. Without getting technical, I'll just say that when supply is abundant or demand is low, price is usually low. When supply is tightened or demand is increased - well, sheer panic ensues.

People start filling up their cars seven times a day, so that when the world's supply of gas runs out at 5:00 p.m. they will have that much more gas and be able to drive for two more gallon's worth of miles before their automobile becomes obsolete, and they are forced to resort to travel by foot.

People start sending emails:
"Have you heard? Gas is running out."
"There is no more gas...ever."
"We'll have to use horse and buggy from now on."
"Fill up now, while you still can!"

Now what's really happening here is a public-generated shortage. There really is no shortage of gas. However, the nervous banter about gas around the water cooler forces everybody to fill up every chance they get. With everyone keeping a full tank of gas, rather than filling up only when they need it, an actual shortage of gas is generated.

It's a weird social phenomenon. But it's like trying to fall asleep. The more you think about falling asleep, the more wide awake you become. The more you talk about the gas shortage, the worse it gets.

The gas companies and pump stations LOVE this. Prices sky-rocket because gas is "scarce" - at least in the eyes of the public, and that is all it takes. Sometimes perception becomes reality.

National DO-NOT-BUY-GAS-DAY
Then I get an email forwarded to me. It's been forwarded by dozens of people before it makes it's way to me. Apparently, some genius somewhere at the university of something, determined that if everyone in America refuses to buy gas, on "Do-not-buy-gas Day" the gas companies and pump stations will FEAR the purchasing power of the public rather than take advantage of it. And suddenly...the world will be a perfect place.

I don't mean to be a pessimist, but well I'm a pessimist. I just isn't feasible. Let's see: we'd just have to stop all the farm equipment that produces the food we eat, and then stop all the trucks that deliver our groceries. Oh, and the airlines will of course get the day off. And...no Nascar this Sunday (Gasp!) Suddenly the world comes to a crashing halt that not even Gandhi, John Lennon, or Michael Jackson can stop.

Hey, and maybe if we get all the children in the world to clap their tiny hands together at the same time -- we can have world peace.

Elvis is still dead...

2005-08-28T19:22:00.000-07:00

Hello there forgotten blog. I haven't been avoiding you. I've just been devoid of interesting thoughts over the last month.

Time really flies. Things are going pretty well here in Memphis. This just in...Elvis is still dead. It gets amazingly hot here. Actually, it's not the heat - it's the humidity that makes life outdoors miserable. People tell me it will start to get better in about a month. For the time being...well, it's a character builder - right Dad?

It's amazing how time passes. Suz and I just celebrated our two-year anniversary. We are marriage pros now. We still have not had our first fight. Although I have sidestepped a few with my sweet talkin'. Just kidding. Kind of.

Work continues to be challenging but fun. Sometimes more challenging and less fun, but that's what work is sometimes - work. The auto industry has been going through challenging times recently. It's quickly sinking in quicksand - no thanks to GM with their employee-pricing plague. It's a drug that has sucked in the Big Three, and none of us can get off it. That's right - if you own a product of General Motors, it's your fault . . . wait -- I own a product of General Motors. But the Lumina was a hand-me-down, so that was out of my control. But seriously, GM -- you opened a can of worms and I hope it swallows you without taking Ford and Chrysler with it. Actually, you can take Chrysler too. Enough of that.

Anyway, Suz and I are still enjoying our experiences here in the real world. Life could be better, but it could also be worse, and frankly - I'm just fine with what it is.

To whom it may concern...

2005-07-26T17:50:00.000-07:00

After some investigation, I finally figured out what happened to my website. It seems as though a friend of mine was hosting it for free, and now he no longer has a server to host sites for free. In conclusion, my site still exists, but only on my computer - and in the minds and memories of the dozens of people that saw it.

Do not despair. I am currently looking for someone else to mooch free hosting off of.

Bathroom Humor

2005-07-23T17:14:00.000-07:00

Someone once said that we should never let fear run our lives or it will – not be…a...good thing…something like that. I forget the exact words and who said them. Regardless, it's true.

With that in mind, go into the nearest 7-eleven and have a seat in the restroom. It will change your life. You'll never be afraid of a public bathroom again. Rather, you'll never be afraid of ANYTHING ever again.

There are some things about public bathrooms that I just don't get. For example, garbage cans that have the spring-loaded flap that you have to push open to put your trash in. This means that in order to throw something away, you have to manually push open that dirty flap that has touched every piece of garbage in the can. And it's also a little disconcerting to feel the blast of warm air come out when you open that flap. It doesn't make sense.

Or how about this: have you ever been in the bathroom and watched someone exit their stall, walk past the sink and directly out without even a thought of washing their hands. You look at that person with disgust and think: "What a slob. How can he/she stand to walk around with dirty hands like that."

Then you make your way to the door and realize that your only way out is by grasping the handle – the same one that the dirty handed slob just used. You're stuck. You turn around to grab a paper towel to put between your hand and the handle, but there are no paper towels. Instead there is an Alcatraz-style air blower that will supposedly blow your hands dry. This style of dryer was apparently deemed more hygienic than paper towels – but it won't help you get past that disease ridden doorknob.

And suddenly you're trapped…waiting for someone else to come in so that you can exit while the door is still open. In conclusion, life is hard and sometimes dirty.

The page cannot be displayed

2005-06-19T14:55:00.000-07:00

DO NOT BE ALARMED!

I'm sure many of you have attempted to log onto your favorite Inter-web site recently (www.randblair.com), only to find a stark-white background with lots of confusing words and stuff.

I repeat (this time without the screaming upper-case): Do not be alarmed!

No, the Internet has not shut down.
No, this is not the apocolypse.
No, The Music has not died.
and No, Billy Jean is not my lover.

It appears as though my hosting service is experiencing some technical difficulties. I should also mention that they are hosting www.randblair.com for free so it really isn't my place to complain. The files are still out there somewhere, just not accessible to the general public.

The problem should be fixed in the days to come. Please remain calm, and try to carry on with business as normal.

Where's The Beef?

2005-06-14T17:39:00.000-07:00

Life on the road means one thing: ...well wait - life on the road means a lot of things really, but if I were to chose one thing that life on the road means, and write a revolutionary article about how life on the road means that thing and include some witty remarks about the one thing and how life on the road means that thing --- oh, heck, now I'm all screwed up.

As a frequent traveler to our nation's highways and byways, I eat a lot of meals at fast-food restaurants. If I was 10 years old, this would be great - but I'm not. I am much older and possess much more wisdom of that of a 10 year-old boy. As such, I understand that fast food is not all it's cracked up to be.

I. Dairy Queen

I begin by relating an experience I had this very week with Dairy Queen. Apparently, Dairy Queen is the self-appointed Queen of dairy. Now if you are going to designate yourself as royalty in a certain area of commerce, you had better back it up before you ascend to the throne. Maybe the folks at Dairy Queen Inc. up in Minneapolis realized they were slipping and decided to go by "DQ" in hopes that consumers will forget that Dairy Queen was one day royalty. On with the story:

June 8th, 2005 - Meridian, Mississippi:

I've had a long day and have driven several hundred miles and met with three dealerships in two different cities. I roll into Meridian late in the evening and need to find dinner. After several arduous attempts to get the Dairy Queen drive-through clerk's attention, I ask for an Oreo Blizzard.

"I'm sorry - sir, ice cream machine's broken. We don't have any ice cream tonight."

I am a rational person. Machines break down. They possess many small, intricate parts. However, if you're not serving ice cream tonight you had better take down the sign. Tonight and for the time being, you are Dairy Knight or Dairy Prince or perhaps even the Duke of Dairy. A true queen of dairy, however, would never run out of ice cream.

I responded: "Okay...I'll go somewhere else."

And I did. No one goes to Dairy Queen for the food, it's all about the ice cream - and if they don't have it - done, gone, on to the next one.

II. Mac Donald's -- as it's called in the south

June 2005: Jackson, Mississippi:
When Ray Croc set out and created McDonald's his dream was one of defined processes that resulted in uniformity and quality. Yadda, yadda, yadda - that all went to pot. Now McDonald's is nothing more than a shell of what it once was. McDonald's only stays in business for three reasons:

1 - The Big Mac
2 - McGriddles
3 - Thousands and thousands of locations worldwide that collectively make billions of dollars (for whatever that's worth)

Undoubtedly, I take my business to McDonald's for one reason only: Reason #2. Those little McGriddles are addicting. The way they infuse the syrup directly into the pancake-like buns is amazing. So when it's breakfast time and I'm on the road, I'm going to McDonald's to get me some of those McGriddles.

I walked into McDonald's in downtown Jackson, Mississippi on a sticky Friday morning with one thing on my mind: McGriddles. As I walked in, however, I noted the absence of the friendly Visa/Mastercard emblem on the glass door.

"Do you accept Credit Cards?"
"No sir."
"What? You're kidding me. "
"No sir."
"But it's 2005."

How did the wave of technology miss McDonald's in Jackson, Mississippi.

"Sorry, we're getting a credit card machine next week."
"I'll go some where else for now."

So I hopped in the car and drove to a different McDonald's on my way to my first appointment for the day. To my good fortune, technology had already graced McDonald's of Canton, Mississippi with a credit card machine

Cell Phone Replacement Program

2005-06-09T18:03:00.000-07:00

After weeks of proving myself worthy, it finally came time for Ford Motor Company to issue me a cell phone. Up until this point I had been borrowing one from another division inside the company.

My new and shiny cell phone was supposed to come from another co-worker who had been using it previously. Knowing nothing but her name, there was nothing for me to do but wait until she saw it prudent to introduce herself to me and pass the phone on.

I remember going over some reports at a table in the middle of the office and glancing over and seeing what looked like a block of wood. It was not a block of wood - it was a block of cellular phone. This phone/block of wood was old school all the way. It had a big long antenna and looked like one of those phones a soldier would use on the battlefield that is wired up to a transmitter the soldier carries on his back.

This phone was so big and bulky, I wondered how it could ever be powered by a single battery. I wouldn't have been surprised if it ran on gas and had a pull start. That was how archaic this thing was.

"Whose phone is that" I thought. "That is one piece of crap phone. Glad it's not mine."

Dangerous thoughts.

Somewhere near the end of the day, I finally found out who this co-worker was that was supposed to be giving me my shiny new phone. When I asked her for the phone she said:

"I already gave it to you."
"What? I don't have it. When did you give it to me?"
"I sat it down on the table next to you."

Instantly my mind flashed back to that walkie-talkie/block of wood sitting on the desk in the other room.

"Oh no. Surely not that old cell phone/block of wood."
"Yeah. And you'll need to go buy a charger for it because the battery is dead."
"Wonderful!"

I have a 1995 Nokia 2 with: no wall charger, no car charger, and a dead battery for the hat trick.

I found the phone, and sure enough the battery was dead. I asked the office secretary if it would be possible to get another phone.

"Only when that one stops working."
"Hmmm...."

Surely I couldn't intentionally break this old phone/block of wood. Could I? No....I shouldn't, I can't -- I won't.

After nonchalantly throwing out some passively sarcastic statements about my cool new phone/block of wood, I got my boss and his boss interested in my plight.

"Wow, that is one old phone/block of wood."
"I know. I don't even have a charger for it."
"You should have them order a new phone."
"I can't - well, at least not until this thing breaks."

The room draws silent - the door closes - and the plot thickens.

"I think we need to arrange a breakage plan."
"Well...I don't know...I mean...You're the boss."

(Or technically, the boss's boss.)

Nothing was done at the time, but I saw light at the end of the cell phone/block of wood tunnel.

The next day an unnamed member of management paid a visit to my spacious cubicle and asked to 'borrow' my cell phone.

"Why of course. But under one condition -- do not break it, for I am very attached to this handy little phone/block of wood."

I went back to work. As I worked I could hear muffled sounds coming from the office down the hall. It sounded as though someone were throwing a block of wood against the floor repeatedly. Naturally, I thought nothing of it at the time.

A short time later, an unnamed member of management returned with my phone/block of wood.

"Rand, I have some bad news. I'm afraid I may have broken your phone."
"No, it cannot be!" I muffled as I looked at my little phone/block of wood with it's horribly shattered LCD display.
"Sorry. I guess you will have to order a new phone."

What Not to Wear

2005-06-04T18:09:00.000-07:00

The Council of Constantinople (381 A.D.)
The Second Continental Congress (1774.)
The Constitutional Convention (1787.)

What's the point? The very rules that govern our society and sometimes our thinking, are the results of historical gatherings where monumental decisions were made.

That leaves me with one question: Where and when was the meeting that determined what color of shoes go with khaki pants?

Who created all these rules of 'what goes with what?' It sounds dumb, but there are very definite rules, and somebody had to have made them.

While I was never anywhere close to being an expert on men's fashion, I thought I had a small grasp on these rules as they pertain to pants and shoes. Brown shoes with khaki's and green's. Black shoes with dark pants. That was all I ever needed to know. Until Saturday...

You throw a sport coat in the mix, and everything changes. Suddenly black shoes are good to go with khaki's provided you're wearing a black sport coat and a black belt. But, should you take off the black sport coat due to Mississippi's sweltering heat, suddenly you're stranded with black shoes and kacki's and nothing to tie the two together.

And just when I thought I had this all figured out, you add in the fourth dimension of shirt color. Suddenly, nothing is as it seems and my head hurts. Fortunately, my sweet wife who will stop at nothing to appease me - especially if she can poke fun in the process - helped me create a chart of socially acceptable color combinations. I laughed at the idea and acted as though I didn't need a silly list to get dressed in the morning.

I actually carried the list with me all week and consulted it regularly.

Idol Conspiracy Theory

2005-05-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

America has spoken and yes - we have a new American Idol. Last night America (i.e. the producers of Idol) crowned Carrie Something-or-other America's next Idol.

In the end my theory of the white-male supremacy ultimately fell apart, and Suzanne, with her uncanny ability of picking Idols and other false Gods, was right all along. My theory was based on the racial makeup of Idols of the past. In the past three seasons, America has managed to pass the Idol crown in the most diverse manner conceivable. How does America manage to pick such a socially diverse group of Idols you ask? My theory suggests that producers at Fox have more to do with this than actual Americans. Take a look at the progression:

Season I: White Female
Season II: Minority Male
Season II: Minority Female/Mother

According to my theory, this progression strongly suggests that this season's Idol be a White Male - who has probably fathered many children, which points to heart-throb rocker Bo Bice.
In the end, my theory was thrown out and Carrie, the southern bell from Oklahoma was crowned as this season's American Idol. Shortly after the results were announced, a bucket of pig blood and guts was dumped on her from above...oh, wait that was a different Carrie. That would have been pretty cool though.

Ryan Seacrest managed to take away yet two more hours of my life to convey this decision that ultimately took all of 13 seconds to deliver. How did Fox manage to fill the time you ask? The answer is simple: washed up musicians and shameless advertising and product promotion from a major car manufacturer that will remain unnamed . . . because they pay my salary.

The highlight of the evening came in the form of a surprise visit from America's favorite lifeguard, Mr. David Hasselhoff. As Hasselhoff came prancing down the aisle to meet his adoring fan (singular) it was obvious what he was thinking: "Sweet - I'm on TV again and Germans love me!"

Although the dissolution of my Idol theory does nothing to prove my long-standing theory, it also does nothing to disprove my theory that Germans love David Hasselhoff.

Seacrest -- Out.

On The Soap Box

2005-05-07T14:45:00.000-07:00

So over the last several months between graduating and starting with Ford last month, I've had a lot of spare time on my hands. For the most part I have used that time doing productive things such as, looking for a job, doing the laundry, and writing my first book.

Occasionally, however, sometimes my time is diverted to less productive things. You know things like napping, daydreaming, and reading. As of late, Suzanne has helped me to see the value behind soap operas.

These brilliantly written story lines are not only incredibly fast paced, but they are also realistic, yet unpredictable. Due to the complex nature of soap opera plots, creating a successful soap presents quite a challenge. Many soaps start strong and quickly fade into the background.

After carefully reviewing several soap operas I have comprised a list of attributes that are sure to result in a bang-up soap opera.

1. All in the family - Everybody is somehow related to everybody else.
2. Inter-family hookups - Even though everybody is somehow related to everybody else, people are still hooking up - and that's ok for some reason.
3. Small quaint town - Everything transpires inside of a small, isolated town, usually on the outskirts of Metropolis or some similarly named urban city.
3. The villain - There's always a villain, and he or she somehow always controls everything in the town.
4. No one ever dies - People may appear to die, but they don't actually die, everyone else just thinks they are dead. This facilitates comebacks and unpredictable plot twists.
5. No ugly people - Even the characters that are supposed to be ugly are actually beautiful people with slight disfigurements.
6. Paternity tests do not exist - This breeds an air of uncertainty as to who the true father is.

If you combine each of these elements into a ridiculously slow-moving story line, you're guaranteed to produce a series of action-packed episodes - like sand through the hourglass.

Life as a Pack Rat

2005-04-22T17:24:00.000-07:00

After 22 consecutive days of sleeping in a hotel bed, last night I was finally able to sleep in my own bed. Living in a hotel takes a lot out of you. When you check into a hotel there is always that little amount of excitement to get to your room and see what it's like. That excitement wears off after two or three weeks. Not having to make your own bed comes with a price.

When you stay in a hotel for an extended period of time, your whole perception of what is normal changes. After three weeks in a hotel, paying $12.99 for a meal seems normal. Eating every night in the hotel restaurant isn't always a riot either: "Table for one." At one point your realize you've had almost everything on the room service menu. Suddenly I found myself irritated when I come back to my room at noon and there are now fresh towels and the bed has not been made.

I even memorized all the channels on Marriott's cable television network.

Long story short: It's good to be home. And it's good to be back with my suga' mamma. Unfortunately I will be heading out Sunday for two more weeks in a hotel. More complaining coming your way...

Welcome to the world's most important Blog!

2005-04-18T13:37:00.000-07:00

What is up RandBlair.com fans? (Both of you.) So I thought I'd take a crack at starting a blog. For those of you unfamiliar to the wonderful world wide web of blogs, blog stand for . . . well, I don't exactly know. But the whole gist of a blog is that I (and whoever else I allow - for example, my hot wife) can write witty and insightful comments and post them here. Then you, the viewing audience can respond. Then people can respond to your comments and then arguments ensue and things really start to get fun.

In review: This blog thing is similar to the running news section on my homepage except it will allow you to give me feedback.

So I'm sure you're all as excited as I am about this and would like to respond now, but you don't know how. I'm going to give you a step by step instruction of how (dumbed down to mom and dad's level of computer education.)

Step 1: Read the latest post
Step 2: Have a good laugh and think to yourself (Rand's such a witty guy!)
Step 3: Did you do step 2? If not - DO IT!
Step 4: Click on the 'comment' link at the bottom of the post.
Step 5: Type your comment in the right-hand box on the screen that pops up. Under 'Choose an identity, choose 'Other' and provide your name.
Step 6: Click 'Publish your comment' and you're done.