Juice Please?

I can't believe the last post was in August! In all fairness, I am now a graduate student and everything I write is critically judged -- a practice that tends to stifle creativity.

To catch you up, we left Memphis and a home we still owned and moved back to Utah. After a few weeks we found a spacious apartment at homely Wymount. It is great because the apartment does not echo like our house did because there is no wall far enough away for sound waves ... to ... do whatever they do to echo. Our house in Memphis miraculously sold the day before we had to make a rent payment for Wymount. The church is true!

Anyway. It is almost Thanksgiving and I thought I would treat you with some creativity so that tomorrow at the dinner table you have something to be thankful for. I wrote this a while back, but it is 100% true and accurate, as far as I can remember.

When I was a senior at Davis High School I took an elective class titled "Adult Roles and Responsibilities." The topics of this class revolved around parenting, marriage, cooking and adult responsibilities – all subjects that are constantly on the mind of a 17-year-old boy/man. Among these topics was that of childbirth. I'm not sure if this was really intended to teach teenage boys about childbirth, or indirectly to prevent teenage boys from engaging in practices that resulted in childbirth. Either way, I suppose the process works.

The capstone of this wonderful lecture series on childbirth was a trip to (then) Humana Hospital to watch a fun little video tape of nameless random woman's exciting child birthing experience.

It would not have been so bad if I were not the only teenage boy there. As it turns out, the rest of the boys in the class decided to skip class that day, and I didn't get the memo – one of many memos I missed in high school.

What an experience! This educational trip did not just stop with a birthing video. After the video, a fresh placenta was rolled in.

I am not sure if it was the video or the placenta or some permutation of both, but it was apparently a shock to my system. As the class walked down the hall, my head felt lighter and lighter, and I had a hard time avoiding the walls. Before I knew it, I was awoken by the sharp fall to the ground.

Don’t worry. Fortunately I was at a hospital. Almost immediately there was a nurse at my side. Before I could say “no” I was lying on a hospital bed contemplating how I would face my friends at school. The nurse made me drink some juice. After taking a moment to fix my hair, which was a little out of place from the fall, the nurse led me back to my waiting classmates. I remember looking up to see them looking back at me. There I was, being escorted down the hall with a cup of juice in my hand and a red bump on my head.

All I could think to mutter was:

"What does someone have to do to get some juice around here?"

Home for Sale: Arlington, TN

We have made the plunge. We are leaving Memphis to return to BYU for graduate school. Never have Suzanne nor I had such a difficult decision to make. That includes marriage, having a child, accepting a job, filling up a Net Flix cue, renting an apartment, and buying a home.

For the last two months we have been torn between Michigan and BYU. Finally, we decided BYU is the best long-term and short-term solution for our family. Now my mom can stop fasting twice a week.

Although we are very excited to be moving home, there is a little bit of anxiety regarding all the details, which include: selling the house, packing up the house, driving our stuff across the country Clampett style, unloading our belongings...somewhere, and starting school at BYU on September 2nd.

Anyway, just a few things to do. On the job front, I have taken an 'Educational Leave' with Ford, which keeps the door open for me to potentially come back in two years if I choose. I feel like I kind of just jumped off a cliff with a small parachute but we are excited to be doing this and we feel good about it. Except for Cayden...he has no clue what is going on.

School Update

In case you have not heard from Suz's blog and network of blog-enabled friends, I was accepted at University of Michigan. Although it is great news, it is somewhat anti-climatic as we are waiting to see if Ford will be able to relocate me soon.

It is already looking like I will miss fall semester. Hopefully it will work out for winter semester. I will keep you posted, but probably after the fact.

Massive and Other Superlatives

If you are acquainted with other members of the Blair family and their respective blogs, then you have likely read their accounts of our journey to Cabo San Lucas by now and are sick of hearing about it. For that, I apologize. Although their fluffy, commercialized accounts do lend a partial truth to what happened, they are just that: a partial truth.

So get yourself a cold beverage, use the restroom, and sit back for the true Blair Mexican experience.

1. The Massive Papercut: You may have heard about it already. It was the slice heard around the world. I was trying to help Lindsay find something on a sheet of paper and without warning she turned on me. I do not know what it was that set her off, but I have never seen that look in her eyes. It was like a cat that had backed itself into a corner. I motioned harmlessly toward the piece of paper, and with one enormous swoop, she thrust the paper toward me -- pulling it sideways as she came. This sideways thrust turned an innocent piece of brilliant white paper into a weapon capable of penetrating flesh.

I tried to react and step back, but it was too late. The paper had already penetrated the space between my finger and fingernail, leaving in its wake a swath of exposed flesh. In a calm yet stern voice, I said: "Lindsay, you have given me a massive papercut."

Why massive? Lesser adjectives such as large, big, or huge simply would not convey the gravity of this wound. Within seconds, my body's circulatory system shifted blood flow from my head and vital organs to this gaping wound. With the cut being located underneath my fingernail, there was no way to mitigate the loss of blood.

As I struggled to remain on my feet, the first thought that entered my head was how I was going to swim in the salty ocean with this unconcealable wound. You would be happy to know that the wound has since healed and I am a stronger person for it.

2. Mexican Economy Soars: From the first time Julie and Lindsay made their way to the beachfront at the foot of our hotel, they were an easy mark for the natives who had come to peddle their wares. Within twenty minutes there was a swarm of white-clothed natives huddling around Julie and Lindsay. Although they both paid cash, Lindsay's financial backer turned out to be Mom. With the influx of American Dollars, the Mexican economy felt a slight bump during the week of May 26th, termed by analysts as the 'Blair Stimulus package.'

3. The Sunburn: The Blair family genes produce skin that is almost incapable of absorbing large amounts of sun without the assistance of sunscreen. Apparently, this was news to Lindsay. For some reason she assumed that because she was able to watch TV in her living room in Ogden, Utah without getting a sunburn, she would be able to spend hours on the beach in Cabo San Lucas ALSO without getting a sunburn.

Therefore after day 1, Lindsay spent the balance of the vacation fully-clothed on the beach. This did not prove problematic for her as it allowed her more time to stimulate the Mexican economy.

4. Cheap Sunglasses: When I arrived in Mexico, I had one goal in mind. I needed a pair of fake sunglasses. As it turns out, I have somewhat picky tastes. I found a pair I really liked but the seller was unwilling to accept five American dollars. Although, I really liked the glasses, I played it cool and resorted to wait for the right deal to come along.

Unfortunately, I never found that pair again. I did track down the same seller the following day. That coveted pair of sunglasses was no longer in his portfolio. When I indicated he did not have what I wanted, he presented a small plastic bag containing herbs. My street smarts told me these herbs were not harvested to add flavor to pasta.

I moved on -- quickly.

Prior to returning home, I did settle on a pair of sunglasses. It was very important that I paid less than the original asking price. After an internal debate I purchased a pair of Oakley's for $9.00 (original asking price was $11.00.) I am sure they are Oakley's because they said Oakley right on them and had an Oakley tag attached to them. For some reason, Oakley's in Mexico approximately 90% cheaper than in the United States.

5. No Bad Days: It started as a simple recommendation for a restaurant. Mom picked up an inside track scoop on a great place for lunch following our very fun snorkeling outing. The place was called "The Roadhouse." Our directions to said location were far from complete. We knew it was close to Costco, which had become our central point of reference during our visit.

We ended up having to ask for directions from the natives. We were fortunate that we had a native Spanish speaker in our Grand Caravan: Julie. After sending Julie into a Hotel, gas station, restaurant, and Costco -- all of which yielding no results -- we began to wonder of "The Roadhouse" actually existed or if we were chasing an invisible dream.

Hunger and disappointment quickly turned to panic as Dad took a shortcut down a dirt road and before we knew it we were being followed by a couple of natives in this Mad Max-inspired Lincoln Town Car. Fortunately, Dad was very adept in navigating the side streets as this was not his first time being lost in a central American ghetto that week.

After barely escaping Mad Max with our lives a stroke of luck pointed us in the right direction. Before we knew it, there it was ahead on the right, like a mirage: "The Roadhouse."

From the sign you can see that "The Roadhouse" is open six days a week but closed Tuesday. It was Tuesday. The restaurant's theme is "There are no bad days." Tuesday was a bad day.

All kidding aside, it was a great vacation. For the first time since the C-Monster was born, Suzanne and I got to be irresponsible newlyweds again. Aside from the adventures listed above, we also got to take a water taxi over to Lover's beach. Dad and I also hiked over to Divorce beach -- seriously, that is what it is called. It was a great vacation and we are very grateful to Mom and Dad for making it happen. I think it will be a long time before a vacation like this happens again.

Thanks Mom and Dad.

School Update

I was also accepted to BYU's full-time program. My interview with University of Michigan is next Wednesday in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Update...

Good news folks! I am going to school...somewhere. I was accepted at Emory University in Atlanta a few weeks ago and today, at Carnegie Mellon in Pittsburgh. I applied to both schools' evening MBA programs so I could attend school and still work full time with Ford.

Ultimately, I am still waiting to hear back from University of Michigan, but it is sounding good. So I will update you when I know more.

"OCD yeah you know me"

My lovely wife has recently posted the familiar "7 things about me" post that currently pervades the blogging world like a communicable illness. Although she did not directly ask me to reply in kind, my recent lack of posting and wanting to satisfy her good nature have resulted in my list of "7 things you may not know about me."

Please be warned, what I am about to share I have never shared with anyone except Suz...and maybe my closest friends...and my family...and informal acquaintances...and people I sit next to on planes.

1. I have a slight case of self-diagnosed OCD. Do not worry about me Mom. I am not talking about the life-inhibiting OCD you see on episodes of MTV's True Life. My case involves little quirks. I check doors twice to make sure they are locked. I unplug everything I can when I leave the house for a prolonged amount of time because I fear the house will catch fire if I do not. Just little stuff. I am not concerned about these habits, because they are little quirks I am aware of. Suz, likes to remind me of them in case I forget. As long as I recognize them, they are not going to control my life.

2. I am a Left-Handed Person. Although this explains my markedly high intelligence and profound knack for creative reasoning, it also prevents me from sharing in the benefits of a community baseball mitt, or borrowing a friend's golf clubs. Just as Chris McManus penned (with his left hand undoubtedly) "left-handers' brains are structured differently in a way that widens their range of abilities." I share the blessing and curse of former politicians Ronald Reagan and Benjamin Franklin, late-night entertainers David Letterman and Jay Leno, and other outside-the-box thinkers like Napoleon Bonaparte, Bart Simpson and Fidel Castro. So to my readers out there who share the plight of left-handedness, I say: "Unite! For we too, will have our day." (August 13th)

3. I love Peeps. By peeps, I mean sugar-covered marshmallows, not people from my 'hood. Peeps are best enjoyed when hardened. Cut the cellophane open and let them cure for a day or two. Hang on...

...Sorry, I thought I left the stove on.

4. I ran for student body in 9th grade. All my friends were involved in soccer, basketball and other extra-curricular activities. I felt being a member of the National Honor Society was not enough, so I ran for office as a last-minute write in. Believe or not I ran on the "Chris Farley, Motivational Speaker" platform. The administration did not appreciate my reference to rolling doobies in a van down by the river during my election skit. I gracefully bowed out of the race shortly after...because I did not make the primaries.

5. As a child I had a Teddy Ruxpin. One day my cousin broke Teddie's lower jaw, rendering him deaf and mute. On that day I learned that life is not fair.

6. I married the first woman that would kiss me. She was also the first woman that would hold my hand and the first woman that would go on more than one date with me. It only takes one, if it is the right one. Tender.

7. Yes, I did get my tongue stuck on the shelf in the freezer. Why? My brain told me to. (Stop laughing Julie.) I have no other explanation. I was young and impressionable and that left-handed brain started thinking out of the box, right out of the box.

Well that is all you get for now. I feel emotionally vulnerable. I need to go. I do not think I locked the door when I got home.

Soooo Sleepy...

First of all, do not get too excited. There is no fancy music, no special effects -- just one tired boy. This is probably the most tired we have ever seen the C-Monster. It happened a couple of Sunday's ago.

He woke up fairly early that morning and because we do not get home from church until about 12:30 he went about six hours without a nap.

If You're Going To Party...

Party like a rockstar!

Yes, I know...I am still on blogging hiatus, but with that picture, this blog wrote itself.

Can you SMELL, what the Blog's got COOKIN???

(The title was a wrestling reference...most likely wasted on this audience.)

You may have noticed the blogging world has fallen on dark times. It has been nearly three months since my last blog. Truly these are the dark ages of blogging. Trust me, there is a blog cooking and you know what happens when you open the oven door before it is ready -- all the heat leaves the oven and it takes longer. (That's what Mom always said.) So unless you want an under-cooked blog with a riveting beginning but a cold center -- be patient.

Although you may think that my lack of blogging indicates I have just been taking it easy with my feet up on the couch eating bon-bons and watching re-runs of Tyra -- that could not be further from the truth.

Again, I have been working on grad school applications that take up all of my discretionary time. I feel it necessary to explain this as I am taking heat from family, friends, and next of kin for the lack of original content. The good news is this: I am very close to having the applications done. In another couple of weeks I will have finished the apps for ITT Tech and Stevens Henager and I will once again be a free man.

In the meantime, you don't want to force the blog button. Good things come to those who wait -- sometimes. Sometimes they just don't. (I am just trying to manage your expectations.)