On The Soap Box

So over the last several months between graduating and starting with Ford last month, I've had a lot of spare time on my hands. For the most part I have used that time doing productive things such as, looking for a job, doing the laundry, and writing my first book.

Occasionally, however, sometimes my time is diverted to less productive things. You know things like napping, daydreaming, and reading. As of late, Suzanne has helped me to see the value behind soap operas.

These brilliantly written story lines are not only incredibly fast paced, but they are also realistic, yet unpredictable. Due to the complex nature of soap opera plots, creating a successful soap presents quite a challenge. Many soaps start strong and quickly fade into the background.

After carefully reviewing several soap operas I have comprised a list of attributes that are sure to result in a bang-up soap opera.

1. All in the family - Everybody is somehow related to everybody else.
2. Inter-family hookups - Even though everybody is somehow related to everybody else, people are still hooking up - and that's ok for some reason.
3. Small quaint town - Everything transpires inside of a small, isolated town, usually on the outskirts of Metropolis or some similarly named urban city.
3. The villain - There's always a villain, and he or she somehow always controls everything in the town.
4. No one ever dies - People may appear to die, but they don't actually die, everyone else just thinks they are dead. This facilitates comebacks and unpredictable plot twists.
5. No ugly people - Even the characters that are supposed to be ugly are actually beautiful people with slight disfigurements.
6. Paternity tests do not exist - This breeds an air of uncertainty as to who the true father is.

If you combine each of these elements into a ridiculously slow-moving story line, you're guaranteed to produce a series of action-packed episodes - like sand through the hourglass.